I just moved to a new city and I’m terrified. I know, tell me what you really think, Sarah. But it’s true! I feel scared that I’m “not gonna make it” or “I’m going to fail.” But those are thoughts and not the reality. Sure there will be hiccups along the way, but that’s life. The thing that’s been the hardest to deal with is my anxiety. I struggle to say “my anxiety” as if the anxiety belongs to me. However, the anxiety I’m experiencing feels like it’s made a home in my mind and won’t leave. Because of the intensity of my feelings and the chronic mental health concerns I have, I found a therapist rather quickly since I moved to the west coast.
On a side note, people have asked me “how did you find a therapist so fast?” And my answer is “I needed to.” Plain and simple, I knew that finding a therapist was a priority. I anticipated that my anxiety would reach a high point and that I’d need an impartial professional to talk to. I am a friendly person and I had faith in my ability to make friends, however I also knew that that process would take time. I wasn’t under the illusion that I would have friends overnight or that things would work out completely once I moved. You take yourself wherever you go, and I’ve found that I’m dealing with the same issues I had in New York in Portland.
That’s why I’m grateful for my therapist. She doesn’t fuck around and she tells it to me like it is. If I’m doing something that’s unhealthy for me, she will let me know whether I like it or not. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear, but I appreciate her honesty. I let her know that this is why I’m here and to keep those brutal truths coming. It’s hard to change your behavior, but it’s not impossible as I once thought. There was a time where I thought I was hopeless. I believed that I was fated to be the same way and act in the same manner for the rest of my life. I know now that that’s depression talking. I am able to change, but it will take hard work on my part and that’s what my therapist is here to help me realize.
I’m lucky to have someone I can speak to in person, which I prefer. Some people do better with online or Skype therapy for a variety of reasons. It can be difficult to find the best online therapy out there. Whatever your choice is, don’t give up. If you want to see a therapist, and you’re dedicated to working on your problems, there is someone out there who you will click with. Let me put it to you this way: I called a lot of potential therapists before I found mine. But, it was worth it because I adore her. She gets me and I get her. She says the word “fuck” and I love it. She’s real and she helps me to see that things aren’t hopeless and there’s a way to navigate through my problems.
Have you ever been in a life transition where you wanted to see a therapist but you were afraid to? That’s how I felt when traveled from the east coast to the west coast. I pushed through my fear and I got help. You can too!
A version of this post was previously published on huffpost.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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