What do you do when the love changes?
My husband is my longest lover.
Yesterday, we were sitting in our bedroom. I was wrapped up in the sheets while he stared intently at the television playing Call of Duty. In years past, this was not how I imagined “spending time together,” but at this point in my life, it’s a welcome change of pace.
This year of my life has been absolutely crazy, enough to make someone question whether they should be committed. My dear husband, at times, loves to add fuel to those fires.
“You make me crazy,” I laughed, watching him fall victim to yet another ambush. I smirked as he let out a frustrated sigh, not removing his gaze from the screen.
“You were actually already crazy before I met you.” He smirked as his character danced around an array of gunfire.
My eyes roll as I can feel the counterattack that is my defense brewing in my belly; as I open my mouth to give him my evidence that will turn the tides in my favor, I pause.
What if you were just a little crazy before?
Even if I was, he had definitely made me crazier.
Derrick has been my longest romantic partner. We’ve grown a lot together. When I met him, I was a young mama of two. Very naive to the world and myself.
I remember the first few conversations we had on the telephone. My husband set his intentions for me from the get-go, and as a young woman who had never experienced such a thing, I was baffled.
But it was reassuring that this could be something different.
Our relationship has had its challenges. The highs have felt pretty high, almost as if I’m up with the clouds, but the lows have also felt the lowest, the very bottom of a barrel.
I am now learning and actually understanding what it truly means to love another person.
Love doesn’t look the same over its lifetime. I don’t believe it should.
The same way we age throughout the years, is the same way love should develop and mature. No love was ever meant to stay the same.
At moments, that cannot be easy to accept. Humans have a natural resistance to change despite the fact that it is an essential component of life.
Part of the natural cycle.
The wheel of time is always spinning.
Our love for those who we hold dear will change much like the weather and the seasons.
I shared about my daughter’s recent passing above.
This current period of my life has been the most challenging I have ever experienced. I could have never fathomed that this would be where I would sit when this year started almost 5 months ago.
Although the pain I have felt has been immense at times, the joy has also reached the crevices of my soul. I’ve been able to smile a lot, even amid sadness.
My relationship with my husband has grown a lot during this time. I’ve found myself feeling like a schoolgirl again how easily he seems to make me blush and giggle.
It’s something about a man who stands tall in the face of adversity. Something about the character of a man that can hold his head high even when the burden feels too heavy. He has been a rock to lean on in the center of this storm but is also gentle enough to wipe away the smallest of tears.
At times, I intently listen to the words that dance off his lips. Memorized.
I’m reminded of first date jitters; everything once again feels so magical and new.
…
Our love doesn’t look the same as it did years ago, but it’s not supposed to. Growth and change are parts of the human experience. We can’t control what happens to us, but we can control our reactions to it.
At times, resistance to change can make life more complex, and we can miss out on the miracles and happiness that exist all around us.
Meeting change with acceptance and willingness could be the answer opening up yourself to a world of possibilities. Allow yourself to be surrounded by the joyful moments that make up life; these moments allow us to fully live “heaven on earth.”
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: gaspar zaldo on Unsplash
