What Every Woman Needs To Hear About Being in a Relationship

Things can be tricky when you are in a relationship. Many women don’t know how to say “no” and stand up for themselves. As a result, they end up being cheated on or just plainly confused with who they are.

I’ve been there where I didn’t know what was considered healthy or toxic. I couldn’t see it as everything looked blurry to me. I was raised in an environment where women are supposed to receive any man they get. As long as they are married before they hit 25, then everything is all good.

It took time to unlearn those things and realize that I have controls too. I have the freedom to choose and be in a relationship that aligns with my values in life. The point is, I have a choice.

Here are the five things I wish someone could tell me earlier about being in a relationship:

Taking Care of Yourself Is and Will Always Be a Priority

I’ve seen many girls who jump into a relationship too early end up not taking care of themselves. They will do anything to please their man but never take time off to relax and have alone time.

Not only do they underestimate the importance of having a self-care routine, but they also think the more work they put into the relationship, the happier the man will be. Ironically, some of them believe if they stop, the man will leave them.

It’s sad, but I could 100% relate to those young girls who highly depend on man’s validation and neglecting themselves for a long time. Eventually, they’ll lose confidence and become more insecure. It sucked, but it happens to almost every girl out there.

No matter how committed and serious you are with your partner, prioritizing yourself is necessary. Doing this can increase your confidence and make you more independent. You no longer seek shallow validations from others, and you’ll not look down on yourself when a man doesn’t want you.

You Don’t Need to Explain Everything When You Say “No”

For so long, I thought that it would be unacceptable if I just say “no” without any further explanations. I didn’t like the guy back? I had to apologize and explain why. What about that time where I quit a toxic relationship? I had to prepare some long explanations so I wouldn’t offend anyone.

It’s mentally exhausting. “Can I just say “no” without feeling like I owe anyone’s explanation?” I kept asking myself for years, and later did I know I could do just that.

Sometimes we are in a situation where no matter how detailed we explain things to people, they just don’t get it. Or worse, they refuse to get it because they don’t care. They want you to say “yes” all the time, and when you say otherwise, there must be a solid reason you need to convey.

If you are in that type of relationship where your partner can’t respect your decision, then I can assure you that in the long run, you’ll lose your privilege to say “no.” It sucks because even people in the healthiest relationship still have disagreements.

And when things don’t feel right to you, you need to have the freedom to say “no” without feeling guilty that you don’t explain further.

Avoid Revolving Your Life Around Your Man

Be it working on your career or your hobby at home, it’s essential to have something going on outside of the relationship. I can’t stress this enough as I’ve seen many women focus way too much on their men.

The thing is, the more you focus on your relationship, the more insecure you become. Unlike a project that you can control, this won’t be the case because when you are in a relationship, you are dealing with another human with different emotions. You can’t control them, and you shouldn’t.

I’ve friends who like to “fix” their man. They see it as they care and want the best for them. While this is true to some extent, it’s also one of the fastest ways to ruin your own relationship. Be busy building your own life, so you don’t have to revolve your life around anyone.

You won’t have time to do so. Doing this can also enhance your overall connection with your partner. He’ll see you as someone who’s independent and confident.

Be Clear with What You Want

I’ve learned that my relationship has gotten so much better when I communicate clearly. This is obvious, but lots of women don’t do that. They like throwing hints here and there then hoping their man will “get it.”

Later they’d get mad when their man couldn’t understand what they are trying to say or ask. No matter how sensitive your man is, he won’t be able to read your mind all the time. You have to be clear with what you want and need.

We can avoid so much drama if we have the ability to communicate and express our feelings the right way. I’m not saying this is hard, but dropping clues won’t help either. So we might as well practice our communication skills.

Know When to Let Go

I’ve dated a man who’s just perfect from the outside; handsome, rich and charismatic. As a young girl with peer pressure, I found it hard to let him go even though I knew he wasn’t the right person for me.

We didn’t share similar values and interests, we didn’t grow together, and everything just felt so shallow. He was also too narcissistic to the point where I couldn’t talk about other things except himself.

It took me long enough to finally get out of the relationship. And that’s something that I wish more women knew — you don’t have to stay with someone you already knew deep down that they aren’t the one for you.

People might find an excuse and say, “I don’t know if they are the right person for me.” Honey, you do. You just don’t want to be brutally honest and listen to yourself.

Those are the main things that I hope women, especially in their twenties, hear more about dating life. Even if you are currently single, it’s still helpful to know how not to let yourself get lost in a relationship.

Here’s the summary:

• Avoid trying to please your man all the time. You need some time to please yourself too. Take time off and do whatever makes you happy that has nothing to do with your relationship.
• Learn how to say “no” without feeling guilty about it. You don’t have to explain yourself too much. Some men just don’t want to take a “no” as an answer, and whatever your reason is, they won’t care.
• Being supportive towards your man is great, but don’t focus too much on it. Build your own empire and work on yourself, especially on the financial part. It’s the best feeling to not depend on your man about everything.
• When your needs aren’t being met in the relationship, talk it out and make sure to be clear about it. Don’t play the guessing game. Being clear with what you want can help both you and your partner to get along better.
• Let go of relationships that don’t do good for your well-being. You don’t have to follow your family/friends’ expectations if it doesn’t make you happy. Overall it’s your love life, not theirs.

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Previously Published on medium

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