What Happens When the Narcissist Grows Old

Were you involved with a narcissist? Did their actions hurt you so badly you thought you’d never love again? You are not alone.

Your narcissist was charming in their youth. It was so easy for them to manipulate you and everyone around you to do whatever they wanted.

The narcissist love-bombed you initially, making you feel like you were the most special person in the world. And precisely the moment you felt like they were the love of your life, they started pulling away, driving you crazy with panic, wondering if you were losing them.

Because that’s what narcissists do. They pull you on an emotional roller coaster. You never feel secure in a relationship with them.

According to the Cleveland Clinic, research shows around 5% of people have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, although anyone who has navigated the dating world will agree it seems much higher.

Love has no chance with a narcissist.

“Love doesn’t die a natural death. Love has to be killed, either by neglect or narcissism.” ― Frank Salvato

The narcissist in your life had many options when they were young. They often had several love interests dangling on a string. When they grew tired of one option, they would hoover back to another.

They’d manipulate several people and keep them all guessing about what their intentions were. They compartmentalized so well, often these options in their life had no idea the others existed.

Some of the narcissists were so devious that they would try to make their partner jealous by using triangulation by bringing another love interest into their lives. They would talk about how much they loved their ex, bring a mysterious friend along on a date and flirt with their “friend” driving you crazy, or ogle beautiful people when they were out.

They left you crying on the floor so hard you couldn’t breathe.

They had the dating world in their hands. They felt invincible.

The narcissist broke your heart.

If you were unfortunate enough to get involved with a narcissist, you may look at this relationship as a wasted time in your life.

Yet finding the strength to leave them was the best thing you ever did. By doing so, you gave yourself a chance at finding mutual love.

Yet unless they get help, they’ll never change. They’ll keep stringing people along until there is no one left to manipulate.

Now the narcissist is old.

Once a narcissist gets older, however, it’s not as easy anymore to move people around like pawns on a chessboard.

They are not as handsome, beautiful, or charming anymore. And unless they are wealthy, love interests aren’t going to flock to them as much anymore.

Wealthy narcissists do have an advantage in the love arena. There is always going to be some younger gold digger who is going to seek these people out. Yet these younger people will never love them. They are only in it for money or prestige.

They’ll use the narcissist as easily as the narcissist used others.

Yet, the average lower-income narcissist will not be so lucky. Without money to attract the attractive people they desire, they’ll slowly sink into obscurity.

Beautiful people will pass them by.

The narcissist is angry.

The narcissist never had a healthy relationship of give and take so they’ve become resentful.

They’re stuck with their option person who is forever hoping that they will love them back because all the model types decided not to stick around. They won’t value this person in their life.

Their option person is only a place setter until they find someone else.

Yet deep inside they feel they deserve better. Because no matter how old they get, they still feel entitled to the cream of the crop.

How dare people not treat them like the Kings or Queens they were?

Now they are bitter and old. And gorgeous and influential people don’t want them anymore.

The narcissist is in denial.

Many narcissists refuse to see themselves as old. They live in denial that they’ve become older. So they react by wearing youthful clothing and associating with younger people.

They will do anything to keep themselves looking young, so others won’t stop admiring them. Because narcissists need others’ validation and admiration to feel better about themselves. The admiration from others is the fuel that keeps them going.

And when other people stop admiring the narcissist they can’t handle it. So they’ll keep trying to turn back the hands of time.

Yet the clock keeps ticking. No one can stay young forever. So gradually as time goes on, their circle of admirers dwindles to none, because who wants to get involved with a miserable and bitter old person who believes the world revolves around them?

Because narcissists have a problem sustaining relationships, they may go into a narcissistic crisis as they get older. And beyond the age of 65, they may become more lonely when others abandon them.

Narcissists can’t keep up the perfect image they created for themselves

As they grow older, it becomes more difficult to maintain their image.

Some experience a public failure and can no longer sustain the fragile image they have of themselves and will then fall into a state of narcissistic collapse. Without other people’s validation that they are special, they’ll become anxious and depressed, and feel like a failure in life.

Be glad you left your narcissist behind.

Your narcissist may have hurt you and left you devastated. They broke your heart and wasted so much precious time in your life. You thought you’d never love again.

Yet because of that awful experience, you have become wiser. You now can recognize the signs of a narcissist and won’t repeat that pattern.

You can move on to a healthy relationship where you can experience real and lasting love.

While they will spend their older years bitter and angry and still playing games with people’s hearts — the ones that will still let them near- you will be much better off in life.

This is what happens when the narcissist grows old.

In the end, that narcissists that hurt and abused others throughout their lives may not fare so well. If they never get therapy, they’ll never change.

Because they treated others so badly, they may never find a true and loving relationship for themselves.

Be glad you moved on.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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