Men and boys are in trouble
This is mentioned every day to anyone who listens. And, it’s true. However, it does not say, or show, that girls and women are NOT in trouble.
People who live in a racist, sexist, and classist world, are in fact, in trouble.
Grievance is poured out in puddles, not all of them toxic, but enough of them polluted to overwhelmingly do a disservice not just to women, but to boys and men as well.
We single out boys and men because that is what people do. We are an identifying species. We are going to notice who, or what policy, is oppressive (or seemingly so) every single time. Many men feel they are being disadvantaged; of course women also can point it out in as part of her identity.
Still, let’s not be too harsh on men’s rights identifiers. There is an actual service that men’s rights, or manosphere, or that even biased postings provide. It is simply this:
People need to feel heard.
We call such media sites echo-chambers but honestly, I think they are more like ditto chambers. The message is not slowing fading into cavern walls, it’s being repeated, emphasized, amplified and even more wide spread.
These forums allow a place for men and boys to be heard. Maybe there is misinformation, gossip, rumor, or outright lies. But, there are people who identify with that info/mis-info and feel represented.
The same thing happens with women’s publications, and even more-so with balanced publications that in some way identify who is speaking. It may be teachers, neurodivergent people, old people, mentally ill people, democrats, republicans, LGBTQ+, artists, service people and people with service jobs. Anyone. Everybody wants to be represented and heard.
Intersectionality is a wonderful discovery, but even knowing that all of us have many characteristics at once, we still tend to primarily feel one that lets us identify “who we are.”
Where there is pain, there is drain
Sadly, in the men’s rights movements, (just as elsewhere) opportunists are waiting to pounce and exploit this very human need. The exploitation masters — think Andrew Tate, any Incel seller, or some pick-up artists dudes — they don’t really want to hear you, they want to profit from those who hurt. They are as willing to exploit needy men as they are willing to exploit needy women.
They are ready with handy scapegoats. They are prepared with examples of how women are indeed degenerate, loose, untrustworthy, and hate-worthy. They model an attractive fantasy: you can be rich and adored like me.
Our every identity is created and reinforced with many levels of sexism. You may identify as a feminist, or decry them, but you are highly unlikely to identify as a sexist, although all of us live in this sexist world.
All over the world boys and men suffer from poor self-image. They are confused about what is masculine (providing sensitive strength and alliance) and what is not masculine, (dominating others). They are given conflicting messages. Even today in our media, sexism runs rampant in thousands of ways, wage disparity, fashion trends, child care, factory exploitation, objectification, healthcare inequity, pink tax, homophobia and gender discrimination, emotional expression, and much, much more.
Under late stage capitalism, without even mention of sex or gender, we are all taught that dominating the market, or profitability, makes one a winner. This message is present for entire nations, or for your own productivity in a a side gig, or hustle culture.
The opportunists of our hurting human nature are always lurking there, to assure you you belong, to tell you that you can avenge injustices done to you, but most of all, they are there to drain your blood and bank account.
We are seldom taught either in daily messages, or over all public displays that it is cooperation that is more effective than domination, or that expression of emotion and nurturing are what are ultimately the most heroic ways that all people can display.
Heroes are seldom loud or bombastic, most heroes are just living normal lives and observing what works and what doesn’t. So, seeing people (men or women) in pain, we must listen and learn better ways to seek justice.
…
Please follow, clap, highlight, or comment to receive Rivers of Appreciation from Christyl Rivers, PhD
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Larry George II on Unsplash
