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Matthew Hussey posts new love life advice for you every weekend on YouTube.
Transcript provided by YouTube and edited slightly. Please forgive any discrepancies:
Intro
If they are dating multiple people and they’re being intimate with multiple people, how do you sort of juggle that well? You don’t. You don’t feel the need to move as fast as anyone else they’re dating.
Fears in Early Dating:
We are talking today about people’s fears when dating. Yeah, we actually put something out on social media which was, “What is your biggest fear in early dating?” And we had 350 comments, and people shared with us their biggest fears. We pulled out some of the most recurring themes and the most relatable fears in early dating.
Spiders and Infinity:
I intentionally didn’t look at these because I was like, “I’m gonna wait and do this live on the show.” What percentage of these fears were spiders? I would have put that one. I would have put that too in early dating. Imagine you’re dating someone, spider in the kitchen, and they need you to take it outside. Right? Equally, if you’re dating someone who’s equally afraid of spiders, oh, it’s worse. It’s worse. She’s not afraid of spiders, but you’re terrified. That’s us, isn’t it? It’s probably me and Audrey’s relationship. Did anyone put the concept of infinity? Also, also scary if you think about it. I think people are more concerned with things ending in dating than they are worried about infinity.
Reframe:
I think I reframe. You know, if you’re in that stage where you’re texting someone you like and you end up waiting by the phone for their next text, something in your framing of what this person does for you has gone wrong. Try and clear the decks in those moments. Everything this person invests or proves to me they’re great is upside. If they don’t, then nothing’s changed. I’m still going to keep up all the things that were important to me before I knew this person existed.
Slow Down:
Feel the need to move as fast as anyone else they’re dating. I think that’s a big key. You can be okay. I don’t mind if you don’t want to hold hands. That’s okay. But I’m not going to do all of this other stuff behind closed doors. If someone’s in that place, slow them down to the point that they’re asking you to slow down to. If they’re like, “I don’t want to hold hands,” then that’s fine. But let’s slow everything down to that point. Don’t speed up to the level of the other people you think they’re dating because you won’t. That’s not a race that’s worth winning.
Obsession:
I’m afraid I’ll get obsessed too quickly. Probably the most relatable thing I’ve ever read in my life. People overvalue attributes and undervalue behavior. Change that to, “I currently don’t feel I can trust myself.” You don’t just do the biggest deal of your life with someone because they were charismatic on your first meeting. The importance that someone takes on in your life should be predicated on how they’re treating you today, not on how great they’ll be as a partner in five years.
Attributes vs. Behavior:
The thing that helps me the most is to remind myself that this is one of many things that are really great in my life. The things that I actually really value, those are real. This is just possibly great. These other things are actually great, so they’re worth 10 times more right now than this thing that feels really exciting. Don’t let something that’s not actually great dominate and monopolize your attention away from things in your life that are actually great.
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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