What To Do If She Doesn’t Want A Boyfriend Right Now?

Although she doesn’t want a relationship, she’s still sending you signals that confuse you. You flirt, meet, and get closer and closer. But although you already have feelings in play, everything remains on a non-binding level.

There can be many reasons why women don’t want to be in a relationship. Sometimes it’s difficult to understand them because they often send contradictory signals. So while it’s sometimes worth fighting for her attention, in other cases it is often futile to continue to strive for it. But what behaviors can you recognize for what women really want?

Her signs are not so clear

It’s a phenomenon that’s not uncommon and that almost drives you crazy. Women let you know that they don’t want a relationship, but still send you completely different signs. If they don’t know what they want, it may look like this:

• She calls or sends you SMS— Although she says she is happily single, she is always trying to get in touch with you. And not just when she wants something from you, but also just to ask how you’re doing or what you’re up to.
• She wants constantly to be with you — She clearly wants to be close to you and likes to spend time with you. Even if she makes it very clear to you that she doesn’t want to commit to you, she sticks to agreements, makes plans with you, and sometimes takes the initiative.
• She is physically devoted to you — It will be most difficult for you if she doesn’t want to enter into a committed relationship with you, but she’s physically devoted to you at the same time. Kisses and other caresses repeatedly awaken new hopes, which makes it difficult to accept and understand her’s decision.

Stay calm! You can handle that!

If she exhibits the above behaviors, her disapproval of a committed relationship with you is not final. Since she doesn’t want to commit herself officially, but still can’t afford to let you go, maybe it means that she isn’t ready yet. Nevertheless, hopes are justified. Due to the constant contact or the physical closeness, she doesn’t seem to be uninterested in you.

Time is very important here. The longer you both stay in contact and experience beautiful moments together, the more likely it is that she will develop feelings. However, it’s also up to you to decide how long you can endure the unclear relationship status between the two of you.

She doesn’t want a relationship yet! Ok, you can handle that, too

To have a realistic chance of winning over a woman even though she doesn’t want a relationship, you must first find out why she doesn’t want to commit. Do not only pay attention to her words but also correctly interpret her body language, because this is often more revealing and honest than what she says and shows to you. These tips can also help:

• Give her as much privacy and space as possible. Don’t pressure her. This allows her to find out for herself what she actually wants.
• Don’t give her an ultimatum. You can’t force love and feelings. Better pull back a bit so she can see what she has in you. It’s very critical to remember that if you show yourself to be independent and deal with the situation confidently, you increase your attractiveness enormously. Women often want a man who wants them but doesn’t need them.
• At the same time, however, take care of yourself. As soon as you start to suffer from the unclear situation or feel exploited, you should seek a conversation with her and possibly withdraw.

She really doesn’t want a relationship

Sometimes, however, all efforts are futile. Many behaviors can indicate that a woman actually prefers to be permanently single and doesn’t want anything permanent. Perhaps love has a negative connotation for them due to bad experiences and primarily symbolizes narrowness, pressure, dependency, and obligations. Maybe she has someone else and is only interested in an affair where she gets what she otherwise lacks — but that’s all. Or she may be newly broken up and just not ready to recommit. The following behaviors can be signs that your chosen one is not interested in something solid:

• She lets off steam — She goes to parties all the time, flirts with other men in front of you, and just wants to have fun. That means you are just an option for her, but not a priority.
• She is afraid of commitment — Although she may have feelings for you, she dreads entering into a stable and committed relationship. The causes of fear of commitment can already lie in early childhood or disappointing partnerships. She is the only one to be able to work through and overcome this fear, unfortunately, there is little you can do about it.
• She has only friendship feelings for you — Despite hours of late-night phone calls, intensive conversations and a lot of time spent together, there is no physical rapprochement between you. This suggests that you have landed in the “friend zone” and that your friendship will never become love.
• She shows no interest in you — Your conversations are mostly about her. While you keep asking questions about her and taking an interest in her life, she puts little effort into getting to know you better.
• She hardly answers — You have the feeling that you are in contact with her, that she is your soul mate, but you are always the one who initiates it. She never calls or texts you first.

So, is it worth fighting for her attention?

Despite your best efforts, do you find yourself having been running into a wall for a long time? Then it is advisable to stop your efforts now — every further attempt will make you seem desperate and emotionally dependent. You can’t force love and if her attitude clearly signals that she doesn’t want a relationship (with you), you should believe her and accept the circumstances.

What you can do if she’s not interested

Even though you’ve tried to find a woman and maybe even fallen in love with her, she doesn’t want a relationship. If lovesickness and the feeling of a deep loss arises, you can now do the following:

• Accept the circumstances — Do not try to persuade her with requests or threats, but respect and accept her decision.
  Depending on how deep your feelings already are, distance helps — If you suffer greatly from having been rejected, break off contact with her and, for example, delete her phone number or unfriend her on social media.
• Distract yourself — Go on with your everyday life and try to do many nice things in your free time that you have always wanted to do. Endurance sports can also help because then dopamine and serotonin are built up. These are the hormones that are responsible for feelings of happiness.
• Give yourself enough time — Get her over and don’t put yourself under pressure, especially if you have fallen in love unhappily. Shield yourself because in that case, your disappointment is often great.

Take care of yourself — especially if she doesn’t want anything solid

Women often say they don’t want a relationship, but do they really mean it? Statement and behavior do not always match. Sometimes it just takes time to be sure of your feelings. In this case, an initial flirtation can turn into a solid relationship.

However, if you notice that you are always the only one to take the initiative and you make all the efforts, then it seems that she is not interested enough in you. Then it is better to try to forget her to be open to a partner who suits you better. Fight for her and her feelings only if you feel your efforts will be appreciated and reciprocated to some degree. After all, a balanced give and take are essential for a healthy, functioning relationship.

I recently read a great article from Anggun Bawi about long-term relationships where she points out some truths most of us are afraid to share. It’s worth reading this!

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Previously Published on medium

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