My friend has been dating his girlfriend for more than two years. She is a nice girl, but she really struggles with anxiety, depression, and PTSD. It isn’t talking about her feelings that are a problem; it’s that little else is discussed.
Sometimes for weeks, even months, every conversation revolves around her feelings—feelings that often are sad or anxious. It has reached a point whereby he feels drained; he is always “on,” expected to be her cheerleader. He does love her, really, but he is starting to find it hard to cope with the requirements of being both a boyfriend and an emotional support system.
It’s not that he doesn’t care; he’s just exhausted. Just imagine having to get up and talk about anxieties, really listening and responding, discuss it all day, and end the night doing the same thing. It is emotionally exhausting, and it is something he carries more and more. He even finds himself holding back from sharing his own problems because, when he does, it inevitably leads to consoling her instead. There are days when he simply doesn’t feel it within him to do so—days when all he needs is some relief from being the permanent pillar of support.
It’s also impacting their relationship in other ways. Sometimes she tries to steer the conversation in a sexy direction, but he’s just too exhausted by that stage to show the enthusiasm she needs. He is interested, yet at the same time, his mind is zonked. This is starting to make him feel more like a therapist than a boyfriend, which is one burden he never signed up for.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Iluha Zavaley on Unsplash
