The martial art Aikido doesn’t rely upon one’s physical strength. Still, big and strong are still an advantage, as in most physical disciplines. Aikido leverages the attacker’s force and strength against themselves. I match up with the attack in my attack. I enter the danger, enter what I fear. The safest place to be is under the attack, under the sword. I invite the attack. I don’t defend against it. No conflict. No fight.
In the moment of the attack, it’s only me against me, whatever the force, size, and speed of the attacker. I choose whether to let the attack pass or to end it. The attacker chooses whether to attack and take the fall or to stand down. Both sides choose.
As the younger Aikido instructor, I was amazed that the late Mizukami Sensei allowed beginner students to use as much physical strength as possible, even force their technique. Ironically, Aikido was about matching up with attack (awase), using the attacker’s strength and speed in their demise. The attacker defeats themselves in their attack. Ever since I was a white belt, Sensei religiously ingrained that in me. Then again, I’m 5’ 3”. I’m small. Attackers are all bigger and stronger than me.
Sensei said that bigger, stronger students generally don’t move their bodies or their feet. They rely upon the physical strength in their arms and shoulders to throw their attacker. Paradoxically, that makes it much more difficult for the bigger, stronger person to master Aikido. They were prone to use their strength. They had to unlearn that. Let that go. That’s easier said than done.
As the smaller man, I learned to wait it out for the bigger, stronger, faster attacker. I waited until the attacker was fully committed. I take a glancing blow if I have to. It’s one time. I lead the attacker’s mind. When I lead their mind, their body follows. I can throw them to the mat. I distinctly got that I’m not going to out muscle many attackers. I got that, often the hard way. Relying upon my physical strength alone failed me.
When teaching bigger, stronger students, Mizukami Sensei didn’t say, “Don’t use your strength.” Instead, he said, “Move your feet. Move your body.” The students mindfully got that there will always be some attacker who’s bigger and stronger than them. Leveraging their physical strength alone wasn’t going to work. Their strengths would fail them. So what’s next?
Well maybe, they started listening to Mizukami Sensei. They wait out the attack until the last moment. Take a glancing blow, if they have to. They move their body, move their feet into the attack. Match up with it. Make it work.
Those who didn’t listen to Sensei eventually quit Aikido, thinking, “This is bullshit.” Too bad. They forfeited the possibility of reinventing their technique, possibly reinventing themselves, too.
Mizukami Sensei taught me to bring the attacker down to my level, in my center (ki). Keep my shoulders down. When I raise my shoulders to reach the bigger, stronger attacker, they regain their physical advantage. Keeping my shoulders down, the attacker is in my center. We are matched up as one. The attacker now moves with me. I apply the technique to myself. I throw the bigger, stronger attacker. I reinvent my technique. I reinvent myself, too.
I use my strengths until they fail me, which they inevitably will do. The late NBA legend Kobe Bryant said, “Failure excites me.” Failure gives me what to work on next. Just train.
Years ago, I failed in my System Requirements Presentation during my Program Review Rehearsal. I got that I was a weak speaker. I had thought that I was a pretty good speaker. In the aftermath, I enrolled in Toastmasters to learn the art of public speaking. I just trained. I put in the work. I became a good public speaker. Actually, I enjoyed public speaking, too. Since then, I’ve spoken before large groups at work. I delivered the eulogies for my late Mom and Dad for friends and family.
When I started working with my Therapist Lance to heal my childhood trauma and depression, at some point he suggested that I date women. Maybe, participate in online dating. In therapy, I got that I had more work to do on me, first. I just trained. I learned to love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. Then, I was ready to fail bravely in the dating world.
I subscribed to Match dot com. I’m short. I’m not rich. I’m not handsome: I don’t look like Hugh Jackman or Michael B. Jordan. I’m as authentic as I can be. I got far more blatant rejections than generous replies. Still, I’ve dated some wonderful women. No, they didn’t work out. My journey to fall madly and deeply in love continues. Who knows, maybe lightning could strike?
In opening myself up, being my authentic self, I’ve created some amazing relationships with women. I was free to be me when my strengths failed me. I continue to work on me. Just train. Just saying.
I use my strengths, use my strong suits for as long as I can. Inevitably, my strengths will fail me. Then I choose. I could continue to fail doing the same thing over, and over, and over, and over again. Or I could reinvent me. Choose to work on me. Just train. My choice.
What do you choose? This time, I’m just asking.
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