Where Can You Meet High-Value Men? [Video]

Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)

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where can you meet good
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men this is an age-old question but i
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suppose it’s one that in an era of
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online dating where we feel like we are
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sick and tired some of us even burning
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out meeting people through apps we’re
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ready to meet someone in real life and
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when returning to that question of how
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do i meet someone in real life what do i
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need to do people so often ask me where
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do i go before i even get into the video
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i just want to encourage everybody to
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subscribe to this channel if you haven’t
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already hit the notification bell so
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that you don’t miss any future videos
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and we have a brand new website
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over there in a minute it looks gorgeous
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we’ve put a ton of work into it and on
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the home page there’s this really cool
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tool now where you can put in the issue
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you’re having in your love life and it
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will recommend the best program i have
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for where you’re at right now so go
0:59
check that out that’s been really
1:00
popular that is over at
1:02
howtogettheguy.com
1:04
so is there an ideal place to meet
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someone that we would be attracted to
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it’s really seductive isn’t it the idea
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that there is such a place that
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we could go to this one fountain of
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wonderful people that are like us and in
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a sense i suppose you can engineer it
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that way you could start by say going to
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places where
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people who would have similar interests
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to you would go if you’re a very active
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person you might join a running club
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because you’re going to find people who
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also value health and fitness now that’s
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an oversimplification just because
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someone has the same interest as us it
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doesn’t mean they have the same values
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as us but
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it’s still a progress isn’t it from
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going to a bar where what are the
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chances that the random person you meet
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in a bar is going to share your values
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your worldview
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or we could not go down the values and
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interest
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based approach and simply say
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where would there be a lot of attractive
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people you could go to a tough mudder
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jameson
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or there’ll be a lot of strapping men
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who are all
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deciding to do something rigorous and
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challenging and you might find some
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attractive people there you could go to
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what’s another place that there would be
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a lot of attractive men stephen where
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would there be a lot of men
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kickboxing kickboxing jiu-jitsu jujitsu
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you could go and do jujitsu now you
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might argue
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but that’s going to involve a lot of
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doing a thing i don’t actually want to
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do you could go to a tech conference and
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you know that you’re guaranteed to get a
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lot of men
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there the problem is that we can a get
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into a kind of caricatured cartoonish
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idea of where there will be great viable
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people
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many of you will have been to tech
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conferences and you’ll say it was full
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of people that are not my type or the
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worst there’ll be other people that say
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i went to i’ve been to a tough mudder or
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i’ve done those physical things and
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there’s a lot of douchebags there
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everyone’s got their story about why
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somewhere is bad and we can stereotype
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these places as if they’re wonderful
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places to meet really quality people you
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can never guarantee meeting really
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quality people and in some sense we have
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to get out of this idea that there is
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going to be
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this amazing place to go to meet quality
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men what we can do
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is
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zoom out and take a
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an approach that increases the
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likelihood that we are going to create
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more opportunities with quality people
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and it starts by looking at our life
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right now
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how much of my life
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brings me into contact
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with other people that’s a first simple
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question we can ask ourselves because we
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might be sitting at home
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swiping on apps looking for people but
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we’re never actually getting out into
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environments where those kind of random
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encounters could actually happen in the
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real world one of the ways
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to start to get out of the house if we
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find that our life has contracted
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especially over the last couple of years
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is by doing the more sociable version of
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the things we already do like i said one
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of the problems of just trying to see
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where people would be
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and then going there is that you might
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end up doing a lot of things you really
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don’t want to do things you’re not
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interested in at all but if you look at
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the things you already are interested in
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it’s very likely that there is a more
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sociable version of that thing than the
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way you’re doing it right now so for
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example you could be someone who likes
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listening to audio books but could be
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going to a lecture you could be
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enjoying doing home workouts but you
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could actually go and join a class at a
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gym or you could join a running club you
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could do your shopping at home your
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grocery shopping and instead just go to
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a grocery store or if you want to go to
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an even more sociable version because we
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know that a grocery store isn’t a place
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you socialize but it’s still a place
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you’re more likely to bump into someone
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than shopping at home on amazon you
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could go to a farmer’s market and there
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it might be even more likely that you
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might end up having an interaction than
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if you go to a grocery store so there’s
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layers to this and it might sound a bit
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silly but at the end of the day
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we have to be really simple about this
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and say of all the things i enjoy doing
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is there a way of me still indulging
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this passion this interest this thing i
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like to do
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but in a way that brings me into contact
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with other people and by the way
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you might even
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lean into
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if you know that there are certain
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activities you enjoy doing but they are
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really
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female centric then you might say to
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yourself if i go to a pole dancing class
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all the time and it’s literally 95 women
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then i’m going to do a form of physical
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exercise that might actually bring me
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into contact with more guys i’m going to
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throw in a boxing class once a week so
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it’s i’m not saying you have to do that
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but ask yourself the question am i doing
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sociable
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versions of activities that i like to do
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and in the things that i do that are
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sociable are they ever bringing me into
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contact with the sex that i am trying to
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attract and if the answer is no then we
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might actually start leaning into
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activities where the sex we’re trying to
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attract actually are and by the way
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that’s not to say
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that the only win to be had is going and
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doing something where we meet someone we
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want to attract it’s also entirely
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possible that we meet someone that megan
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j in her ted talk refers to as a weak
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tie a new acquaintance a new friend who
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becomes part of our circle either
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intimately or loosely but becomes a
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person that invites us places that
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person may not be the love of your life
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they may just be a friend but they may
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invite you to the dinner party or the
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event where you meet the love of your
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life number two frequent places so
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sometimes
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we get sucked into the movie version of
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meeting the love of our life the meek
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cute we’re in a place
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and on that particular day
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we happen to bump into someone that by
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random encounter turns out to be the
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love of our life now the hard part about
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that is that it’s a bit of a one-shot
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one kill
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approach to our love lives we have to go
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out and the stars have to just align in
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that moment not only for the love of my
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life to happen to be in that room at
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that exact moment in time that i’m there
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but
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one or both of us is actually brave
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enough to make something happen or the
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universe conspires to make us bump into
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each other and our books go everywhere
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that moment
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has to happen how many times have you
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been in the room with the love of your
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life in one of those moments and just
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neither of you said anything when you
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frequent somewhere
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for example you join a gym class and you
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go there two or three times a week and a
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lot of the same people rotate in that
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class so you get to see the same faces
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what it means is today we can give each
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other a nod a week from now we might end
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up graduating from a nod to a hello a
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week from now we might end up graduating
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from a hello to what’s your name by the
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way i see you in here you’re a regular
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and now you start a conversation a
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conversation that might lead to a coffee
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a coffee a coffee that may lead to a
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date and so on when we frequent places
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we increase the chances that someone is
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going to be brave you know when someone
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says you come here often that cliche
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line well go somewhere often and it will
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be more likely that someone will
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actually speak to you or that you will
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be brave enough to say something to the
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same familiar face you keep seeing and
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that doesn’t just extend to classes that
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can even extend to just venues you like
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to hang out the same working space the
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same coffee shop you start to see
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certain regulars you find a certain
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comfort with that place and there is
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something to be said for finding a
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comfort with a place when we get
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comfortable
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we’re more likely to actually say
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something to someone because it feels
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like home for us in that territory
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number three and in contrast to the
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point i just made
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say yes
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to new people and new places one of the
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big issues is that we go out to dinner
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with the same married friends or the
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same friends who are in relationships
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all the time there is a kind of
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stereotypical person that anytime they
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leave the house
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is to go and have another dinner with
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the people that they catch up with every
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week and those people have already found
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their person so they’re not looking and
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they might find it strange if you get up
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from the table and just start talking to
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someone out of nowhere or you might feel
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embarrassed or awkward in doing that
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around people who have already found
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love who are you know that confidence
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and that relaxed i don’t care
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indifference that comes from people who
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have already found love they always seem
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so confident don’t they they always seem
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like they’ve got it all together that’s
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because they found their person they
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don’t understand anymore the nerves of
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having to go over to someone that you’re
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attracted to and try to make something
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happen you know when someone who’s been
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married for 25 years sees you look at
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someone and they’re like go over there
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and you’re like you have no you haven’t
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been in the game for years you have no
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idea
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the awkwardness or the fear of having to
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go over to someone it’s so easy to say
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to your single friend when you’re in a
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relationship you should go talk to them
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i wonder how brave they were when they
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were single but the point is
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when we keep going out with the same
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friends who are already taken we end up
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in the same conversations in the same
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bubble and it gets hard to break out of
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it that’s not just true if you go to
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dinner with
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your same friends all the time it’s true
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even if they invited you to their dinner
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party where you’re gonna know everyone
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already and you’re gonna end up being
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with the same people saying yes to a new
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friend or someone that is an
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acquaintance someone that you wouldn’t
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normally say yes to
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when they invite you to their dinner
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party when they invite you to their
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event means meeting a whole new set of
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people it’s one of the benefits of the
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weak tires that we were talking about a
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minute ago is that when you say yes to
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an invitation from a weak tie you’re not
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just saying yes to them
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you’re exposing yourself to a whole new
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potential community and that will have
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untapped people in it literally jameson
11:59
people you haven’t tapped
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you know i’m cutting that
12:04
the same can be said for venues it’s
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almost like we want the contrast of
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places we normally go to that we could
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meet new people in
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because we’re comfortable but we also
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want to sprinkle in
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going to some places we don’t normally
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go to just to get a different crowd just
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to put ourselves around a different kind
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of person say yes to the kind of event
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you wouldn’t normally say yes to we
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complain a lot don’t we that i just
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always meet the same kinds of people
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they’re always this kind of guy i need
12:30
to try something different well try
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something different go to a different
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place go to a jazz night if you never go
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to jazz nights go to something outdoorsy
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if you never do that if you’re like i
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just keep meeting these guys who you
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know they
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they take themselves really seriously or
12:45
they think they’re the and they
12:47
always end up using me or whatever but
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you know that you keep going to that
12:51
same scenic hangout all the time then go
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somewhere that’s not a scenic hangout go
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somewhere where people don’t go to be
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seen go somewhere completely different
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altogether go somewhere understated go
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somewhere where people aren’t trying to
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look cool they’re trying to have fun go
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somewhere where you’re going to meet a
13:06
different kind of person at the very
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least where you’re going to meet a new
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crowd i feel like so much of this can be
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boiled down to put yourself where other
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people are
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and an important point that we haven’t
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actually made yet in this video
13:23
is be 10
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more proactive
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than you would normally be when you’re
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in those places i say 10 because
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firstly if i told you to race up to
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everyone you were attracted to all the
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time and go and seduce them that would
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be incredibly intimidating and you
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probably wouldn’t do it would be too
13:42
daunting but we can all manage to be 10
13:45
more proactive
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10 more proactive can mean looking at
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someone
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several times
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instead of for a brief fleeting moment
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and then looking away and assuming that
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they know you’re interested being 10
14:00
more proactive can be asking
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someone what they just ordered because
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it looked good
14:06
being 10 more proactive can be smiling
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at someone or it can even be just
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putting yourself in
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close proximity to that person so it’s
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easier for them to turn and talk to you
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than to walk across the room to approach
14:19
you which is really scary for somebody
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especially if it goes wrong being 10
14:23
percent more proactive is totally
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achievable
14:26
most people go through their lives
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expecting somebody else to do the 20
14:32
required to get a conversation off the
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ground if we take half of that burden if
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we take 10 percent and they take 10
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percent then we’re going to have many
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opportunities to talk to people for
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things to happen it’s so often the case
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that the people we meet in life are the
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loudest person in the room they’re the
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person who’s running up to us to tell us
14:54
that we’re really attractive and
14:56
starting a conversation now that person
14:58
might be confident we might also say
15:00
that that person is used to doing that
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because they do it with everybody or
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it’s what they’re doing every night and
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that might not be an indication of the
15:08
best partner or the person who’s taking
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the process ultra seriously it might be
15:13
but it might also be the narcissist it
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might also be someone who’s just trying
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to get laid
15:19
that person who might actually require
15:21
us to do 10
15:23
so that they feel brave enough to do 10
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might be
15:27
a lot more interesting might be
15:30
an equally attractive but different kind
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of person than the one we normally meet
15:36
but the only way we’ll meet those people
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who don’t feel the need to be in the
15:40
spotlight who don’t feel the need to
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race over to everybody who are
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comfortable enough to hang back or
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frankly might just be
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slightly more shy or might be a little
15:51
more introverted or might not be in the
15:53
habit of constantly approaching women
15:56
those people might be encouraged by that
15:59
10 percent that makes them feel like oh
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i have permission to talk to you we
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should get off of the language of where
16:07
where do i meet great guys
16:09
and focus on the language of
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who
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because
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trying to find the perfect place
16:18
who’s to say what the perfect place is
16:20
but recognizing that if we put ourselves
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in environments where there are lots of
16:27
people will there be some places that
16:29
are better than others yeah of course
16:31
you’re probably more likely to
16:33
find someone who’s serious about a
16:35
relationship
16:36
in a running club than a rave
16:38
it’s more important to recognize that in
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any room where there’s people the who
16:45
is really important who do we typically
16:47
end up meeting in that room do we meet
16:50
the person who’s really big and bold and
16:53
brash and runs over to us or do we meet
16:56
the people that
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are in all sorts of areas of the room
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that we don’t normally interact with the
17:03
kinds of people who require just a
17:05
little more proactivity if we do that
17:09
we will exponentially increase our
17:12
chances of meeting someone if you like
17:14
this video don’t forget to hit the like
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button hit subscribe if you want to
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subscribe to these videos i really hope
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you do leave me a comment let me know
17:21
what you thought of this and don’t
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forget to check out the website how to
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get the guide dot com at the top of that
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home page is a really cool quiz tool
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where you can put in your love life
17:29
challenge and it will recommend to you
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my best content solution for what you
17:34
are going through
17:36
thank you for watching i’ll see you next
17:37
time
17:57
you

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