I am finally unemployed. After working non-stop for 8 months since I completed my mandatory national service, I am finally free. For the past 8 months, I have been working as a Full-Time Sales Associate, Part-Time Barista and also Special Project Lead at an Urban Farming Company. These 8 months have been very eventful and I definitely learnt a lot and experienced a lot.
However, I’m about to matriculate at the National University of Singapore this coming August and hence, decided to take a breather for the last 7 weeks before school starts. And the most common question I got from my friends and family members is:
“What are you doing for these 7 weeks?”
It is a normal question. But, the odd thing is I feel that I am obligated to say that I am doing something. I can’t possibly be doing nothing right? At least an online course, a new skill or maybe exercising? Anything really.
But why do I feel that slight guilt for saying that I have nothing much to do?
It feels that doing nothing is not the right thing to do.
Surely I can’t just be doing nothing, can I?
That expectation for me to be doing something useful or productive may stem from societal expectations or perhaps it is just an invisible expectation of my own. It is like when productivity becomes toxic to the point where you are overly obsessed to make sure that time is well spent.
There is this fear of failing to make use of time. And this whole notion has been affecting how I want to spend my last 7 weeks before university starts.
I like my 7 weeks before university to be spent relaxing and recharging. With that being said, I find it hard to get away from the notion of doing nothing. I feel uneasy simply just spending my 7 weeks watching movies and dramas. It is like there’s a part of me reminding myself to spend time more wisely.
Perhaps this is the consequence of living in a highly competitive city for 2 decades. I am too accustomed to its pace that I find it hard to slow down. The following are some of the things/activities that I want to do during these 7 weeks before university
- Reading (especially Fiction)
- More videography, 2 videos a week
- More writing, 2 articles a week
- Exercising
- Gaming (reach an Oynx division level on Halo 5)
Ultimately, I guess the most important thing is enjoying each day and each activity. Hence, even though I have specific goals that I want to achieve by the end of 7 weeks, if I do find myself not enjoying myself, I will simply just stop doing that activity. I guess it doesn’t matter if you are doing something or not doing anything. The most important thing is to enjoy the present.
And if I am, there is no need to feel guilty anymore.
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Previously Published on medium
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