Okay, so you’re here to judge me. That’s fine, I would have probably felt the same way too if I didn’t know any better. My husband and I met when I was 18 and he was 36- an 18 year age difference.
Was I born the year he graduated high school? Yes. Yes I was.
Which, at the time, made me exactly half his age. Now, 27 and 45, the gap seems less and less and yet the judgement is relentless. Even after one baby and another on the way and nearly ten years together, we are still seen as a novelty. A Hollywood headline in real life.
I was never one to date boys my own age, or really anyone at all. I was a very shy, sheltered girl from a small town in Montana. Who, by the way, has a very healthy and emotionally stable relationship with her father. Did I like older guys growing up? Maybe a class or two ahead of me. I never thought I’d date- let alone marry an older man. So how and why did I end up here?
- Dating an older guy gave me more confidence than I had before.
I was in an extremely toxic and abusive relationship before meeting my husband. A boy who wanted to control every aspect of my life because he was afraid I’d find someone better. Who forced me to miss big opportunities because he wanted me all to himself.
My husband? He encouraged me to go to college. In fact, he insisted that I mustn’t waste my beautiful mind working retail (not that there is anything wrong with retail!). We did, in fact, meet during my night shift at Wal-Mart (classy AF).
While attending college, my Chinese language professor wanted me to go on a class trip to China, and my husband was my number one supporter- even though I’d be gone an entire month. He was sure of himself and our relationship that he didn’t need to trap and suffocate me with “love” and obsession like past, boyish lovers. He wanted me to see the world for myself.
He wanted me to see every option in the world and still chose him.
Of course, these things can all be attributed to the fact that I have an amazing husband. Not all older men will make great husbands or be good partners. But the opposite is also true:
The fact that he is significantly older than me doesn’t make our relationship inherently wrong.
I am a freelance writer. For inquires, email [email protected]
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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Photo credit: Courtney Crawford
