I found my soulmate in a stage of my life in which I was delighted alone, and I had promised myself not to start a relationship for multiple reasons. I feel like none of my previous relationships were healthy compared to this one and I’m finally in a relationship with whom I’ve always wanted to be.
Currently, my relationships with family, friends, and dates have transformed into something extraordinary from what it was before. I love myself and fulfilling my own needs now instead of looking to others to fill those needs. I love mirror talk; I am my own best friend and excited to be with me.
If you are in a difficult situation right now, you need to work on loving and accepting who you are; otherwise, you won’t ever be truly happy. I wish I could give you hope and confidence through this story.
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Your happiness is no one’s responsibility.
I think every relationship we will ever have is an extension of the relationship we already have with ourselves. You should be emotionally, physically, mentally stable and be responsible for your happiness regardless of the situation in life before committing to a serious relationship.
Even if you don’t feel whole, your happiness is no one else’s responsibility but your own. If you’re not happy with yourself, you will continue to blame someone else for something which was not their problem.
Happiness must be reached by yourself and then shared with others. Never wait for happiness from others as it is unfair and selfish to expect it from them. That way, you stay humble and grateful, and it’s hard to be unhappy when you’re grateful.
So, don’t look for happiness in other people; look inside you. They are there to share your emotions and feelings and give you the experience to grow. Realizing this was life-changing for me. Also, it helps to get me off my mind and help others less fortunate.
Also, give yourself some single time. I call it me time where I enjoy what I love doing — my favorite hobbies, everything, on my own. It has helped me identify what type of relationship I should be in.
No one deserves little love or little value.
When you marry yourself — you become able to love other people right where they are, for who they are, the same way you already love yourself. The only relationship you will have with another person is the one you’re having with yourself already.
There is someone out there for everyone, and I believe that. You indeed have to love yourself first before you can have a healthy relationship with others. So, love yourself the way you want someone else to love you. Your healthiest relationships will only be as healthy as your relationship with yourself.
“The places where you have the biggest challenges in life are the places where you have the most to give.” — Tracy Mcmillan.
How great you love yourself is the amount of love you will accept from others. Learn to love yourself that much, and that’s how much love you will expect from a significant other. This way, you won’t settle for less because no one deserves little love or little value.
Remember always; life doesn’t give us what we ask for; it gives us the people, places, and situations to help us develop what we have requested.
What you feel is important.
For as long as I can remember, I felt something was missing, and I have always used romantic and spiritual relationships to fulfill me. But what I learned from it was probably the biggest lesson of my life: self-worth.
Now, I found myself paying attention not to whether he liked me or not but to how I felt in his presence. I’m more interested in how I feel about myself than how he feels about me.
“When you hold a man’s hand, and he makes your heart beat faster, and he makes you feel giddy, walk away from this man. He is not the man for you. If you hold a man’s hand and he makes you feel warm, safe, and secure, hold onto him.” — My mother.
While dating someone, don’t focus on whether or not the other person likes you; but how that person makes you feel. You are the person who will love you the most if you commit to it, and once you reach that point, you won’t let yourself be with the wrong person.
When looking for a partner, don’t necessarily choose someone you admire. Choose someone who makes you feel good. And not just occasionally but all the time. Someone who makes you feel happy and valued, and supported.
Marriage is not a solution.
I assume people get married for the wrong reasons, like thinking a spouse will complete them. If either party in the marriage doesn’t love themself or know who they are, the marriage is doomed. It is not an easy combination to find two married people that have married themselves first.
People don’t know what to look for in a partner or get to know them. I know people who were married without actually knowing the person they were with. Our brains develop a definitive version of the other person by auto-filling what we don’t know about them with our wishful thinking.
Marriage can’t be your coping mechanism for unresolved past trauma. No matter how much you love your partner and entrust your issues with them. It is better to seek help from a source that gives you unbiased guidance.
Once you’ve accepted your flaws, no one can use them against you.
Marriage only works when both persons marry themselves first and know what each person can give emotionally and spiritually if they marry each other. Otherwise, you can’t give love or happiness to the other person, which would make marriage unfulfilling.
I wondered why all the weird kids (by society’s standards) ended up in well-suited marriages and relationships. I realize that these people have learned to love themselves and aren’t seeking anything from anyone, ultimately making them more attractive and better people to partner with.
I have ideas for you
Low self-esteem is the root of every failed relationship. So love your body, love your choices, talk to yourself gently when you did something wrong, like a loving mother to her child and not like a narrow-minded abuser.
If you cannot love yourself for who you are, you will never be able to give love back to your beloved the way they deserve it. The more you love others, the more you will love yourself. The less you judge others, the less you will judge yourself, and the more you give, the more you receive.
If you go to the top of a mountain or bottom of the ocean, go down on one knee and say — I’ll never leave you. And also, try to be painfully honest with yourself because you are the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life.
For every person who dreams about a beautiful wedding, arrange a wedding for yourself on your next birthday. Invite everyone you love, throw a big fancy party, get yourself a gorgeous dress, visit a hairdresser, order a photographer, and design invitations.
Not only will your big dream of a fancy party come true, but you won’t have to argue about the color of the centerpieces. But before the party, get yourself a pretty ring, pick a nice spot and say, “I do. For better, and for worse, I will never leave you” to yourself.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
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Photo credit: Milan Popovic on Unsplash
