Why I Send a Note in My Kids’ Lunches Every Day

They always bring them back. At the end of the day, the house quiet, the day’s work almost done, when I’m going through the remnants of hastily eaten lunches and dirty containers I find a little scrap of paper in each lunchbox.

It’s painted on one side, a little piece of a larger work of art created by one of the kids at some point that I’ve cut into little lunch-note-sized bits. On the other side is either some embarrassingly unartistic pen and ink drawing or an even more embarrassingly un-funny dad joke.

The pictures go to my son, who is six and cannot read. The dad jokes go to my daughter, who is eight, and can read, and has requested dad jokes in her lunch instead of the normal, supportive, hope-your-having-a-good-day sentiments. The jokes can be shared, she told me. The gushy stuff she just tries not to smile at, blushes, and tucks away for me to find amongst the sandwich pieces.

But they both always send the notes back, and I collect them, thinking that maybe at the end of the year I could reassemble the paintings from which the paper scraps were cut, creating a little tapestry of lunch note love letters.

Aww, That’s Cute!

Right, I know. Super cute. But what’s the point? And why do I do this?

The easy answer is that I do it because I love them and I want them to know that I love them and I still feel maybe a little bit guilty about shipping them off to wrastle with the thieves and pirates who run amuck on under-supervised playgrounds.

But the more truthful answer is that I send them notes in their lunches every day for the same reason I write them long letters and cards at every birthday. It’s the same reason we make pancakes every Sunday morning. It’s the same reason we stop when we see someone broken down on the side of the road with such regularity that when we pass someone on the roadside and don’t stop, my daughter asks why we didn’t. It’s the same reason I conspicuously pick up trash when we’re hiking or walking or grocery shopping.

But What’s the Reason?

It’s simple. I want my kids to know what it means to be someone who gives of themselves for the betterment of their loved ones and communities.

I want them to feel the warmth and attentiveness that blooms from simple, heartfelt actions. I want them to know that I am someone who loves them, but more importantly, I want them to learn at least a few ways to show that love, and especially ways that are unconditional, earnest and non-possessive.

I want them to learn that there are ways to connect with another person that don’t involve technology. And I want them to realize that it doesn’t matter how atrocious your handwriting is, it’s still a delight to receive a handwritten note.

I Know it’s Small…

These are not earth-shattering revelations. My lessons to them are quiet, but persistent. I hope that, through the ways I love them, and the ways I love my community, they will grow to know a love that is honest and freely-given for the sake of love itself. And I hope that, through the quiet little ways I express that love, they will learn how to be better humans.

—

This post was previously published on Medium.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: Caroline Attwood on Unsplash