*For the purpose of this article, any reference to white males means white, cisgender, heterosexual males.
“I had to choose whether these were nice men, and I knew they were…or whether they were oppressive. I was experiencing them as oppressive…And then I thought, maybe niceness has nothing to do with this whole matter of being oppressive to others…[and I realized] they were very good students of what they were taught, and what I was taught also, which is that men have knowledge, men make more knowledge, men publish knowledge, men profess knowledge…they have taken in the idea, as I had too, that ‘knowledge is men’ and ‘men are knowers.’” Peggy McIntosh, TEDx Talk
“We have to be able to breathe through our defensiveness… if we can do this, unpack that privilege, we can make space for a more humane and just world.” Sue Borrego, TEDx Talk
“If you can’t see color, then you can’t talk about color. And if you can’t talk about race, gender, class, or ability, you can’t understand it. You can’t understand the part you play in it and you can’t understand the part it plays in you.” Lillian Medville, TEDx Talk
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Have you ever heard of Peggy McIntosh, Sue Borrego, and Lillian Medville? The above quotes are taken directly from each of their respective TEDx Talks. As a white woman, I’ve been seeking out resources that acknowledge the intersection between unapologetically taking up the physical, mental, and emotional space I am often denied as a woman, while still being aware of and sensitive to the privilege I am afforded as a white person. Lately, I’ve found myself drawn to role models who don’t conflate power with a heightened sense of self-importance; they express vulnerability and a willingness to learn, while also exuding confidence, groundedness, and grace. I think these women exhibit this balance in their respective TEDx Talks.
March is Women’s History Month. The official theme is “Celebrating Women Who Tell Our Stories,” and, for this reason, I’m highlighting these women.
However, these women are telling a different kind of story. They are speaking openly about white privilege (Medville even made a game out of it — literally!). They are speaking from a place of both class privilege, as white people, and marginalization, as women. However, their sense of self is not correlated with how others perceive them, it is a direct reflection of respect and curiosity from which they approach understanding others’ perspectives. By standing in their own truth with both vulnerability and confidence, while simultaneously acknowledging their privilege, they humanize those who are marginalized.
In order to have more of these kinds of productive conversations about uplifting marginalized groups, what if we flip the narrative and approach this topic with positive examples of the unspoken baseline from which any marginalized group is compared — white masculinity? In other words, identifying white men who understand their privilege (at least in the moment) and use that power for good.
What does white masculinity mean, in a “vacuum,” as a social construct? Not fragile white masculinity, not toxic white masculinity, healthy white masculinity.
Below are examples (in no particular order) of individuals who, I believe, conduct themselves in ways that demonstrate an understanding of the privilege they are afforded as white males, and use it positively and productively, thus with an understanding that they too are inherently worthy human beings:
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(Disclaimer: I don’t personally know any of these men, nor do I know if all of them identify as white, cisgender, and male, but based on what I’ve seen of their public personas, this is how they present themselves. I also can’t vouch for their overall character, I’m including them here based on the available content I’ve seen about them.)
· Jordan Klepper: A Correspondent on Daily Show, Klepper goes to Trump and other conservative rallies to talk to attendees. He uses his white privilege to enter these spaces and engage with individuals with (often extreme) conservative views. While his conversations often have a satirical bend to them, he always treats everyone with whom he engages with dignity and respect; he uses his “whiteness” and “maleness” as a “cape of comfort” to get them to open up. While the people he converses with often trip over their words, he never demeans or demoralizes them, he simply points out inconsistencies in what they are saying (and has occasional breakthroughs).
· Chris Evans, Mark Kassen, and Joe Kiani: They have both used their platforms and status as established white males in Hollywood to help bridge the industry gap and with politicians by having meaningful conversations and real dialogue through A Starting Point; this helps Americans better understand the issues and factors that inform policy makers’ decisions.
· Anthony Fauci: The former Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease, Dr. Fauci also served as the Chief Medical Advisor to the president from 2021 to 2022. Although his identity as a white man was obviously never the focus of his counsel to government officials or the public, the mere fact that a powerful white man presented himself as a neutral body caring for the health and safety of all Americans, regardless of political affiliation or personal identification, is a public example of positive white masculinity.
· Prince Harry — In the Megan and Harry Netflix special, Prince Harry calls out racism in the British Monarchy as a white male. In a 60 Minutes interview, he not only calls out racism and misogyny in the British tabloids, but he also admits that he exhibited toxic beliefs and perspectives from growing up in that environment, and is now learning how to show up in life differently, saying “I didn’t see what I now see.”
· Matt McGorry — An actor best known for his roles on Orange is the New Black and How to Get Away with Murder, McGorry uses his platform to advocate for marginalized groups (including speaking out about issues such as abortion, Indigenous rights, and feminism) and also speaks openly and vulnerably about his body positivity journey; an often taboo topic of discussion among male actors in Hollywood.
· Lewis Howes — A successful entrepreneur who openly discusses his experience with sexual abuse as a child, a very stigmatized topic among white males. In doing so, he breaks down the toxic stereotypes that “real men” shouldn’t be vulnerable with their feelings and emotions, thus helping to redefine “masculinity” as a complete identity in which processing feelings and emotions in a healthy and safe environment is an attribute to be applauded rather than shamed, just as it is much more widely acceptable for women to openly express their emotions.
· Neal Brennan — A comedian with multiple Netflix specials, in Brennan’s most recent special, Blocks, he riffs on the privileges he’s afforded as a white man, joking that, at both #MeToo and #BlackLivesMatter protests, he carried a sign that said “I am the problem.” Joking aside, the fact that he acknowledges white privilege, while simultaneously discussing his difficult childhood as well as the challenges he’s faced as an adult concerning mental health, serves as an example that overcoming difficult circumstances doesn’t negate the fact that many of us benefit from a class and caste system. Experiencing personal struggles and having class and/or class privilege can exist at the same time.
· Bryan Cranston — A multi-award winning actor best known for playing Walter White on the hit series Breaking Bad, Cranston openly discusses racism, most recently stating why he believes the “Make America Great Again” slogan is racist on CNN. The remark was in reference to a discussion with Bill Maher on Maher’s Club Random podcast, during which he explains his views on sensitive subjects such as the importance of Critical Race Theory as part of grade school curriculum (16:30) and reiterating his view that the MAGA slogan is a “dog whistle” (24:00). The conversation also includes moments of truth dressed in levity, such as when Maher asserts that life is full of problems no matter who you are, thus most people wouldn’t say their life is great, and hypothetically asks Cranston “Would you say your life is great?” to which Cranston enthusiastically responds “Yes, I would!” (25:30). He then proceeds to ask Maher if he believes in white privilege. There are a few more genuine “it’s funny because it’s true” moments sprinkled throughout the conversation (such as when Cranston tells Maher that his “white privilege is on display” at 53:20). Most commendable of all, however, is that Cranston is never confrontational with Maher. They clearly disagree on some points, but Cranston approaches each of these moments with curiosity, trying to find common ground.
Bonus (In honor of the historical aspect of the month): Harry Burn — A white man defying odds from a different era, Harry Burn is best known for casting the tie-breaking vote in favor of ratifying the 19th Amendment, guaranteeing women the right to vote in 1920. Burn originally planned to vote no on the Amendment after receiving pressure from other Antisuffragists, but changed his mind after receiving a letter from his mother imploring him to support the initiative.
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The point of this list is not to advocate that we stick our collective heads in the sand and pretend that everything is fine; there are very real class and caste system forces in our society. I’m not saying don’t be angry. Or don’t get loud. Or don’t get into good trouble. I’m saying direct your energy towards the system, not individuals.
Each of one of these men is accomplished in his own right and deserves all the success and accolades he’s achieved. Kudos to these men for standing in their truth, while also acknowledging the forces of a larger system from which they (usually) benefit. In this way, these men are modeling “upstander” conduct by acknowledging positive behaviors and gendered double standards through their own words and actions. Their power is not dependent on the perception that they are better than any other demographic of people, it comes from a place of fundamental knowing that everyone has inherent value, and for this, they deserve all their success.
Because, the reality is, white men also have unrealistic and harmful societal expectations placed on them, and the only real way to have a productive conversation about any marginalized group is to hold space for compassion around the damage our society inflicts on white men as well; they’re born into a system that fosters and encourages this identity within them, just as much as it fosters and encourages submissive and other harmful identities in marginalized groups.
In her TEDx Talk, Lillian Medville goes on to say:
“Systems of oppression, and by that I mean racism, classism, sexism, ableism, among others, are both so massive, so baked into the structure of our lives, while their impacts are so personal, intimate, even. They’re in our heads and our hearts and our bedrooms no matter who you are, they are currently, and I mean at this very moment impacting your life and all of our lives in both visible and invisible ways… So, essentially what I’m trying to say is, welcome. We are all terrible at this. So, if you find yourself feeling defensive, if you notice shame creeping up unexpectedly, don’t take that as a sign that you’re doing it wrong, take it as a sign that you’re doing it right.”
For prejudiced systems to change, we need to be open to different ways of approaching the conversation. Conversations need to stop focusing on labeling people as “good” or “bad” and start re-educating people who exhibit damaging behavior (regardless of their motivation).
We all have different lived experiences — which is beautiful. But that also means that, for meaningful and lasting change to happen, we have to approach deeply rooted belief systems and values from multiple angles, because two people with two vastly different lived experiences are going to interpret issues concerning race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, and the intersectionality of all these factors in very different ways.
That’s why, for Women’s History Month 2023, I’m recognizing female trailblazers, and the men who follow their path.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: TKristin from Unsplash
