Tshu
You see that person who instantly makes your heart beat faster. There’s a tingle, a rush, and then it becomes hard to breathe. You try your best to catch their attention. You know, read up on what they like, dress to impress, laugh at their jokes.
And all the while, you’re conducting an investigation, looking desperately for hints they’re experiencing the same rush you are when they look your way.
And I’ve written tons of articles on how to get your crush’s attention and how to create desire in another person.
But the thing is, these are starting points, not promises they’ll fall in love with you.
The truth is there’s no magic love potion that will draw that special person to you.
And it’s a painful truth, but there comes a time when you need to let go of the fantasy.
It won’t be easy to do this. Still, the fact is if you manage to move on from your attraction, you’ll be happier and more likely to find love — love not only with a new partner but love for yourself as well.
Reasons to Stop Trying to Win Your Crush’s Attention
You begin to change who you are to be who they want you to be
When you pretend to agree with someone else’s belief systems or change your behavior to get someone to like you, there’s more than an outward change happening. There’s an inward change happening too, and it’s not a good one.
Your brain starts to compromise on thoughts and values that shouldn’t be sacrificed to please someone else.
For example, let’s say you have a crush on a person who believes those who get medication for depression are weak. You take medication and know from experience their opinions are uninformed, insensitive, and judgmental. Yet you nod your head when your crush spews out information contrary to your beliefs.
What does this make you? (Be ready for the honesty.)
It makes you a sell-out and a liar.
And I’m not hating on you because I’ve been there and done that more times than I can count.
But ask yourself how far your relationship can survive with this major clash of opinions.
Your beliefs and emotions are important, and you need to remain faithful to these.
And as bad as it hurts to not garner your crush’s attention, it hurts more to know you’re devaluing yourself for someone else.
Someone special will love you just the way you are. I know you don’t think so, do you?
But it will happen, as long as you don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
Your self-esteem is destroyed
You can only take being invisible or slighted for so long before you begin to believe you’re ugly, boring, or unworthy.
And don’t let one person’s lack of interest make you feel this way.
If your particular crush doesn’t like curvy women, don’t let that person destroy your self-esteem when thousands of potential partners love this body type.
Don’t assume because one person thinks short men are unattractive, it’s true.
Because every time your crush mentions loving something you’re not, you start to buy into the idea you’re not good enough.
And that’s the quickest road to low self-esteem and depression.
Hear me out.
You are perfect to someone out there.
For example, all my life, I’ve hated my freckles. Literally, there’s not a heavy-duty concealer I haven’t tried to hide them.
But my husband?
He tells me I’m beautiful even in the summer, even when some of my freckles come out from hiding and seem to multiply exponentially.
This is what you need in a partner.
You need a person who looks at you and sees your beauty before your imperfections.
You need a person who makes you feel desirable just the way you are.
Author Fredrich Nietzsche says:
“If you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss will gaze back at you.”
And allowing your self-esteem to be decimated by one person’s opinion of what it means to be beautiful or handsome is when “the abyss [gazes] back at you.”
You start to believe you’re incapable of being desirable or loved, and that belief will lead you down a lifetime black hole of feeling like you’re not good enough just the way you are.
And that kind of negative self-concept bleeds into everything you do.
The Bottom Line:
Advice columnist Anne Landers says:
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
The truth is some things are just not meant to be.
By holding onto false hope that you’ll magically win your crush, you’re sacrificing time and energy on finding that special someone you won’t have to prove yourself to.
And when you spend time trying to find the one for you rather than the fighting to win the attention of someone who’s not for you, you open the door to the greatest thing of all — the magic of looking at someone whose heart is throbbing as quickly as yours, and who thinks thinks you’re perfect just the way you are.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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