When I was sixteen, I dreamt about meeting one boy, falling in love with him, and making a happy family. Since that moment, I was falling in love quite often. Also, had different relationships: both serious and not. And every time I broke up, I was thinking that this is just was not my destiny and I will still meet someone on the way, who I will stay with for a lifetime. The time was passing by, I was changing a lot, and watching the couples around me I came to an interesting conclusion: our temp of life has changed so significantly, that one love is no longer possible.
Fast and Furious Information
The more information we get, the quicker our life becomes. We may not watch the news, ignore phone notifications, and proactive downshifting, but the world will rush you by any means. So, step by step you will notice how you started to eat quicker, to get yourself ready faster, to think on the time-economy more, and to work in any place with wi-if to be in time with projects.
Always on the run — that’s how we all live now. You can even notice that by going on a two-week vacation. You will see on the 8th day, that you’re quite enough with traveling and you need to go back to the daily routine. The new speed of the world, which is growing with the ability to chat faster, send information faster, travel faster, etc, influences all spheres of our lives. If there is a chance it could ignore love? No way.
Quickly Met — Quickly Broke Up
I was having a discussion wi5 my 47-year old friend. She is like two times older than me. I was telling her a story about my past relationships:
And you know what? In a month he invited me to his parents house. It was kind of too fast, however, during this one month we succeeded in breaking up two times and making couple goals. But then we finally decided to go separate ways. Still, the whole month passed, you know! Know enough to see the person is not right for you.
That’s what I told you. She was shocked and asked: “just a month?” It was completely nothing to her. But for me, it was quite a long time. And the thing is not in the personal preferences but in the age. For some people (never saying for all) age influences the worldview. She was quite old-fashioned and for her normal relations required at least 4–5 months just to make sure the person is right. But for me, it was 4–5 weeks as maximum.
This is a good example of how the approach to relationships building changed over 3 generations only. To make sure, my theory was right, I talked to 6 boys and 8 girls who are the same age as me and they proved, that it is okay for them to have sex on the third date or earlier. “If it is not happening, I just know that we have no sexual desire between each other and it’s time to leave”, — that’s what millennials said to me. At the same time, later generations representatives were increasing time frames to 3 weeks and even older people to 3 months.
So, the older the person was, the slower he was taking the relationships with other people. So, the theory was right — the world is changing quickly and we are changing with it. So, the faster you go, the sooner you reach the point. And on one hand, this is wonderful — we no longer have to wait for years for some steps to be made. But on the other hand, the faster relations start, the quicker they die.
How to Make Your Love Last Longer?
Well, before talking about love let’s take a look at an even more simple example: common interest to another person. You may notice how quickly it appears now: having social media and numerous chances to impress someone without trying hard people can quickly take you over. But then, 2–3 weeks and ideas come to an end. Here we reach the point when first impression meets reality and interest disappears. Or, other people may appear as well. Thanks to the same social media, we feel like being always in the process of comparison: if I made the right choice, if he is good enough, isn’t he worse than this man? Comparing people over and over brings to the permanent change of interests and focuses. Finally, it leads to absolute chaos.
With such a quick first period of relationships, it is really hard to build something serious. But let’s assume you overcame this issue and even started good long-lasting relations, how make them live longer?
- Don’t think about it. Just live it. If you will be thinking about slowing the relations down, you may simply come to this “losing of the interesting point”. And the same time, rushing also will not lead to success. So just live if your normal rhythm.
- Try to find love. Still, real interest and love won’t pass by this quickly, so you need to figure out what is real and what is fake in your mind.
- Stay alone as long as you need. Stop searching for the couple in a hurry. Let yourself be you and be lonely if you want so. Just let it go. It will come and will find you.
The world is in complete chaos now. This is one of these few things modern researchers agree about. But you just need to understand, that quick lost and find statuses in your mind are pretty okay. It happens with everyone now, so just live it up. And stop thinking about the ever-lasting love. Probably, it is for good not to have to see one and only face till the end of your days.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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