By Connor Beaton
Why do some men struggle to commit?
How do you know when you’re ready to commit to a relationship, and what’s stopping you from “taking the leap?”
Maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a few years and your partner is starting to pressure you to commit, take things to the next step and “get serious.”
Maybe they want to move in together, or maybe there is talk of getting married, but either way, you feel some resistance — like something is missing.
This is something I struggled with for years, and something I see men everywhere struggling to understand.
How will you know you’re ready and whats stopping you from committing?
There are a few things you need to know right out of the gate before we get to the most important piece – but don’t skip ahead, this is important.
What’s stopping you?
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1) Do you respect her?
Of course you respect who she is as a woman (or at least I hope you do so since you’re dating her), but do you respect her as a partner? Do you respect her as a wife (or the thought of her as your wife)? Do you respect her to be the mother of your children?
It might seem harsh, but the reality is, if you don’t respect her, you’ll never commit to her.
I meet and have worked with hundreds of men who feel the pressure of commitment from their partner, family, and friends, but can’t seem to do it. They love the person they are with and respect them as a person, but don’t have the deep respect they would be expected to have for their wife.
Maybe you have a certain picture of how you thought your wife would look, act, believe in, or make you feel, but something’s missing.
Maybe she has certain habits which you can’t seem to move past, or doesn’t value the same things as you. Or maybe, there are things about her you’re embarrassed by.
No matter what the context is, if you don’t deeply respect her, you’ll never commit.
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2) Does She Expand Your Edges.
We as men crave freedom, but we also desire adventure in some capacity, whatever your definition of adventure might be.
Often times in relationships we get comfortable. The adventurous zest we felt in the beginning dies out or maybe it was never there to begin with. Maybe we have wanted someone to go camping with, jump out of airplanes, or go to personal development seminars with.
Or maybe you’ve been looking for a woman who could challenge you. Someone who, instead of putting you down, or diminishing your abilities, sees the strengths and gifts you have as a man and challenges you to pursue them.
Someone who stands shoulder to shoulder with you at the top of the mountain, and who is willing to be there through all the peaks and valleys that life has to offer.
Like most men, you are probably looking for someone who will push you mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
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3) You’re Avoiding Leadership.
The reality of most heterosexual relationships is that a woman can choose you, but ultimately it’s you who needs to choose her.
Don’t get me wrong, the most simple yet profound advice I’ve ever heard was “Choose a woman who chooses you first.” For me, this means always choosing a woman you don’t have to chase. You can pursue them, court them and date them, but you never have to convince them. There’s a big difference.
That said, once a woman chooses you and she is committed to you, she is in a holding phase, waiting for YOU to be ready for the next step.
And this pressure of knowing (subconsciously or consciously) that the responsibility of the future of the relationship rests on you, might be causing you to avoid any decision all together.
But outside of these things there is one universal I’ve seen that stops men from committing, sometimes even when they’ve met the person they KNOW they want to be with . . .
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Missing Meaning & Purpose.
After working with hundreds of men 1-1 and in groups all over North America this is the most common reason why men can’t commit.
When a man doesn’t feel like he has a purpose in life, some function which gives him direction and allows him to feel like he can provide for himself, his partner, and the family he wants to create, he can’t commit.
Men struggle to commit when they feel like the work they are doing isn’t part of their life purpose.
Men struggle to commit when they are lacking direction, lacking in meaning, and lacking the ability to provide (whatever their definition of that is).
When writing the Ultimate Guide to Purpose, we found that the once men feel like they have more direction, meaning, and purpose in their life, they were far more able to connect to their relationship and feel ready to commit.
This is where is all begins. With you, with your purpose in life and with your ability to deeply trust your ability to create direction for your life and the life of your family.
Find your purpose. Start living it every day, and you’ll end the stereotype that men can’t commit.
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Photo: Pixabay