A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I was a lanky 165-pound college freshman who was incredibly shy and afraid to pursue women. There was a better chance that I would attempt to walk on water as opposed to pursuing these women who I’d placed on a pedestal.
Determine change this narrative, I started lifting weights because I though getting a six-pack would equate to every girl wanting to have sex with me.
I kept this logic throughout college and for a brief time into early adulthood. Working for a six-pack is certainly an accomplishment and made me feel like a real-life superhero, but my prophecy didn’t come true.
My six pack didn’t equal sex-on-demand. In fact, during this period of transforming my body, my love life was met with the sound of crickets. No playboy lifestyle with countless wild sex stories to share.
Only more confusion was accumulating
I was still a shy and insecure nerd who was missing the big picture that a six pack isn’t a magical elixir to erasing all the problems existing in your internal world.
I worked hard and transformed myself into an athletic looking individual weighing in at a little over 200 pounds (this is huge for us guys).
I’m a fitness professional who helps guys lose fat and build muscle for a career, but I also have to remind them that a six-pack may help your external world, but getting a quality girl requires you to be the total package.
This lesson took me years to learn. In fact, I was most likely using weight lifting to try and cover my insecurities in hopes they would disappear. It wasn’t until I addressed my internal world that the external world matched up and made me a complete individual.
I’ve been externally attractive for a long time, but that means little if you still see the old version on the inside. Throughout years of self-development and learning from some of my female friends, here are 3 of my biggest takeaways about the essential ingredients to possess when pursuing a quality woman.
I’m 10 percent body fat, athletic, and incredibly strong, what more else do I need to bring to the table?
This was my delusional thoughts for years. Sure, maybe I could’ve found a girl who was as shallow and delusional as me, but that was never my goal. My dream was to have a girl who was the total package.
If I wanted a girl who was the total package, I needed to make myself the complete package. When it comes to personality, this encompasses a multitude of things.
Can I get her to laugh?
I’m not planning a standup routine anytime soon, but I found a way to highlight my weird sense of humor and to show a little of my silly side. No woman wants to be with someone who is all business and a no fun.
Can I show interest in something besides her looks?
By the time we reach adulthood, women have been complimented a million times about their looks. To really get make an impression on them, notice something else that isn’t as obvious. I know with me, I’m a sucker for a warm and radiant vibe, so I will often compliment a girl on her energy if that sticks out to me.
Are there layers to myself?
For the longest, I gave the impression of just being an attractive man without much else going on. I was afraid to talk about my obsession with superheroes, music, and books. I focused so much on trying to be something I thought women would want that I never allowed my uniqueness to manifest. Embrace who you are and show off what makes you unmistakable. Curiosity is one of the best traits to possess in this world.
Also adding in the typical but often overlooking traits of thoughtfulness, attentiveness, listening, and being nonjudgmental are desirable traits to attract a world-class woman.
2. What are you doing with your life?
Ambition is a sexy trait for women. Women like to see a man who is passionate and going somewhere with their life. This doesn’t mean just chasing money. It means having something that drives you into action each day.
Share some of your hopes and dreams in the world. What about your job? Are you creative, entrepreneurial, or something else?
Your type of job doesn’t matter as much as you having passion about it. If you have no passion in this present moment, how can the women expect you to have passion later on down the road?
How can she feel secure enough to grow with you and take over the world together? Not being passionate or spirited about anything is telling a story without telling a story.
3. How you show up to the world
Your character speaks louder than your appearance. While taking car of your appearance is important, it’s clearly not the only metric that quality women care about.
If that was the case, then the hottest guys with the best bodies would have all the quality women and we can all agree on a daily basis that we see couples that don’t exactly match if we’re only using a superficial scale based on looks.
But, if we go by character, then we would most likely see how these quality women ended up with someone who wasn’t a 10 out of 10. Here are a few character traits to think about.
Are you a man of your words or someone who lies more often than not?
Words are powerful, but even more powerful is following through with what you say.
How do you go about your day?
Are you existing or just living? Being someone who is just existing in their days isn’t going to be as contagious and attractive as someone who’s pursuing their passions, living for the present, and going after their dreams.
Are you comfortable in your skin or do you reek of insecurity that is easily sniffed out?
This one was a big struggle of mine. I used to be worried about not having enough money, not being where I thought I should in life, and many other trivial things. In the grand scheme of things, these worries aren’t the ultimate deal breaker because a quality woman isn’t expecting “ Perfect”, but instead is seeking connection, authenticity, and someone to grow with.
Don’t get me wrong, having a six pack is wonderful and can change your life. Getting a six pack can be a way to prove to yourself that you’re capable of much more than you thought. It can lead to increased confidence in all other facets of life.
Having great physical fitness shows that you value yourself and that’s an attractive quality for women.
But, a six pack doesn’t have a magic potion to resolve all the issues in your life. If you still have deeply rooted insecurities and other issues brewing in your internal world, without addressing those issues head on, they’ll still be there even with your new hot body.