As I reflect on my life, I observe that all of my relationships in the past ended miserably because I did not acknowledge or appreciate my sensitivity.
I lived most of my life thinking that I was born with a personality defect. I was too reserved, not outspoken, not fascinating enough to catch the crowd’s attention and had a sensitive temperament. I criticised myself for being bad-tempered when I did not feel adequately rested. I was one of those people who can easily be “bired” simply by engaging in surface conversations. I longed for intimacy. However, because I was deprived of that for much of my life, not only did I feel disassociated from reality, but also it further reinforced my belief that there was indeed something wrong with me.
Consequently, I struggled to overcome the hurdles that stood between me and the love life I desired.
Although my first relationship went well, over time, I loathed myself and my lack of ability to recognise and respect my own qualities — the remorse and humiliation I walked around with much of the time — coupled with my inability to capitalise on my trait, led to its dissolution.
My ex had an identical experience within herself (I got to realise this due to the fact that we are still keeping social ties with each other). As you might have figured out, both of us are highly sensitive people (HSPs).
HSPs are no stranger to self-rejection. When we do not know our trait deeply enough, we exhibit tendencies not to appreciate ourselves.
This is unsurprising because we live in a culture that does not yet wholly acknowledge and honour us for our strengths — the opposite could not be further from the truth — hence why would we know how to appreciate ourselves?
The core of most relationship issues for everyone — HSPs and otherwise — stems from self-insufficiency to a certain degree. To possess blooming, healthy relationships, we have to love and embrace ourselves wholeheartedly.
I had to go through several cold lessons and step outside of my comfort zone to work on myself. Now, however, I am proud of the person I am today, and my partnership reflects that health. I have a thriving, loving, joy-filled relationship with the star of my dreams.
When I observe what granted me the power to feel so confident about myself as a wonderful being and fiancée, it did not take long for me to comprehend that the key was learning to observe, value and respect my sensitivity.
Because we HSPs are nothing but exceptional human beings. As life partners, we shine at our brightest when we prioritise our well-being, eliminate all the insecurities we have about ourselves and feel fantastic about ourselves.
Here are several of the numerous ways you make a wonderful partner when you are grounded, healthy and think highly of your trait:
- Loyalty, creativity and active listening are things that you are good at. Moreover, because of your dynamism, you are complex, which makes you an exciting and safe person to spend one’s life with.
- Though making decisions can be time-consuming, it is a humble reflection of your thoroughness and intuition. When you finally come to a decision, it is usually one that allows for a win-win scenario.
- You are, needless to say, dedicated, empathetic, and very considerate. Thus, you are good at handing out a helping hand or showering love when your partner requires it. You want nothing but the best for them. They will absolutely feel and value this.
- You see the best in people around you, even the subtle details that people often overlook, and you have faith in that part of them deeply. Accordingly, you can help your partner capitalise on their strengths and be a great inspiration for them. They will have no shortage of feeling loved.
- You experience positive emotions intensely. Your life is unique and full of fascinating aspects. You do not hesitate to share your life story with your partner.
- You have an ability or special method for looking at the big picture so easily and well. This provides you focus, perseverance and strength to confront challenges that the relationship presents.
- You enjoy analysing what is unfolding in your relationship and venture into the heart of the subject with your partner, which you are adept at because you are not just insightful but also extremely dedicated. This enables you both to better comprehend yourselves and your relationship.
See how wonderful you are? I could go on and on about this but let’s move on…
Your life and you yourself are worth celebrating and loving greatly. Currently, stop briefly and just let that sink in. Let it shower you with a sense of dignity. Let it come into contact and begin to heal the wounds that were the result of self-insufficiency.
It is vital to have faith in ourselves. We have to do this from top to bottom so that we can sincerely observe and accept the shortcomings of our trait, too. From there, we can summon the courage and sheer force of will to confront those more difficult aspects and work with them sensibly.
If not, we are at risk of unleashing our dark side: someone who can be agitated easily, judgemental, short-tempered, resentful, demanding — someone our partner must traverse on eggshells around, which is a sure way to destroy all hopes of an intimate relationship.
When we do respect and handle it magnificently, we present ourselves at our best.
I once asked my fiancée about what she loves about me. Most of what she replied has an association with my sensitivity:
No shortage of love, I feel. The persistence and effort it took to reach this point were more than worth it. If I could do it again, I would. Because as an HSP, fulfilment can only be found once being in such a joy-filled, fun, deep, loving relationship.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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