Why We Become ‘Too Nice’ When We Like Someone [Video]

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YouTube Transcript Enhanced with AI/ChatGPT

You end up later in your life truly resenting the fact that you can’t be who you really are, and that this relationship only works as long as you’re saying yes.

Why is it that we become too nice with someone we like? There is an interesting switch, isn’t there? It’s like a before and after. Sometimes, from the moment we see someone, we feel drawn to them. We immediately find them attractive and want them. Other times, it takes longer. We may go on a few dates, and there’s a moment when we tip over into really liking that person.

When someone becomes important to us, everything changes. We start behaving differently around them. It’s as if they instantly become significantly more important to us. The stakes become high, and we don’t want to make any mistakes that could scare them away or ruin the connection we’ve established.

The danger of being too nice is that we focus too much on trying to please the other person. We overthink our words and actions, always trying to say the right thing and avoid any conflict. We become closed up and lose our authenticity in the process. This behavior stems from the fear of hurting others or being rejected.

However, the cost of these mistakes is great. We sacrifice our true selves and our own needs for the sake of maintaining the relationship. We stop focusing on genuine connection and instead focus on convenience. We try to be agreeable all the time, which leads to a lack of boundaries and a loss of our own value.

The goal should be to find real love, which requires being able to be ourselves and navigate conflicts and differences. We need to show vulnerability, reveal our true selves, and have open conversations about our needs and disagreements. Only then can we determine if the relationship can withstand challenges and if both individuals can accept each other fully.

When we constantly try to please others and avoid conflict, we lose the depth of connection we desire. It also leads to predictable rejection, as we are not being true to ourselves. We must remember that blending into someone’s life in the most convenient way possible doesn’t lead to genuine connections. It’s better to be rejected for who we truly are than to be accepted for a version of ourselves that isn’t real.

In the end, the fear of rejection shouldn’t stop us from being authentic and setting boundaries. The possibility of finding what we truly want lies in revealing our true selves, even if it may be initially more painful. Otherwise, we end up in relationships where we feel resentful and unable to be ourselves, which is ultimately more damaging in the long run.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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