Why We Should All Stop Obsessing About Being an Alpha

How tf did I fall into this?

As a young man living in this DNAge, it can be pretty hard to find a good role model. Especially with all the challenges that come with the latest evolutions of the world.

It’s like every attitude, word, or gesture, becomes a political statement.

It’s hard as f*ck to understand all of every single individual experience. It seems to me that a lot of people truly experience pain (every single minority you could think of).

And it’s difficult, because empathy is mostly partial. I’m not able to understand to a full extent the experience of an individual who had gender dysphoria or a girl who has suffered from child abuse.

I’m myself, have to focus on my own challenges as a black man who wants to have success (as I define it). Every cultural pillar we’ve been relying on for so long is now being questioned, which is good but very challenging. It’s like having to reconfigure your hardware every single month, and it is surely triggering.

So, sometimes you go back to your own world, mocking someone else’s opinion because it literally feels insane and doesn’t fit your own perception of the world.

And I’ve been that dude. I don’t consider myself violent, generally speaking, but I do act very condescending towards opinions I find inaccurate.

And lately, I’ve found myself probably too ingrained with the Red Pill community’s philosophy.

It’s appealing. I mean, when you hook up with girls that say “Men are Trash”, and throw the label “Toxic Masculinity” everywhere, it feels empowering to hear someone telling you “it’s ok to be a man”.

You genuinely feel a sense of brotherhood when people share your challenges and desires. And those people who put emphasis on financial success and independence, do in some ways provide positive guidance for a lost young man.

They also give you knowledge about “female nature” and relationships (which is the most important part of everybody’s life, I would argue).

And here come a few issues.

Is there a female nature? It’s disputable, but I would think so.

Our behaviors are both influenced by biology and culture, but I would argue that biology beats culture.

That being said, I think there is a problem with overgeneralizing some women’s behaviors for all women’s behaviors.

Are some women manipulative, shallow, toxic and very selfish ? Sure.

Is that the majority? Hard to affirm, but we will for the sake of the argument.

Let’s state that this is the case, “most women are shallow, manipulative, and selfish”.

Wouldn’t be our responsibility as heterosexual men to choose better and not interact with a girl we considered toxic?

I mean I hate that lack of self-responsibility when a girl talks shit about her exes and embodies the victim’s role, why would I do the same?

I get it, being fooled sucks. A lot. But maybe we could all pick better. Maybe it’s not only black and white. Perhaps we didn’t set boundaries properly, and maybe we’re not all perfect either.

This is what I have a problem with: the lack of nuances.

Yes, they are patterns in men and women. Yes, women tend to be hypergamous. Yes, women tend to prefer taller, older and richer confident men. Idealistically.

However, constructing all your dating strategies on trying to become the ideal persona is a recipe for disaster. You’ll never be fully yourself, therefore it won’t be sustainable for very long, and you’ll never be loved for who you are. Moreover, this creates cognitive dissonance, and a mental schizophrenia that will inevitably affect your mental health.

This whole philosophy is an inflation of higher and higher aspirations, which isn’t inherently bad, except when it means destroying all the alternatives to this perception of the world.

You can desire more cars, bigger houses, and hotter girls. There’s nothing wrong with that. But as soon as you preach it as THE ONLY WAY, that starts sounding weird and a bit too messianic.

No wonder why those leaders become objects of cult.

I do appreciate the work those people have brought. It has genuinely helped me in some regards (motivation, self-belief & self-confidence, for instance) and I really thank them for that. However, constructing your entire vision of human interactions through this lens is very limiting and can soon turn you into a women’s hater or women’s opponent.

Despite being a positive helping tool, this is a soon-to-become-dangerous philosophy that lets very little space for nuances and divergence.

And too much of it can leave you miserable and just retrograde. Not sure if it is the best posture for the upcoming world.

Being strong is great.

Being emotionless, invulnerable, and unbreakable is a fantasy.

Being a successful entrepreneur is fantastic.

But 9–5 workers can also live very fulfilling lives.

There are many alternatives and options, and being too conservative and psycho-rigid won’t make you (and me) a happy person.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***