A good friend of mine happens to be a one-percenter.
Good looking. Financially well-off. Reasonably center-left leaning. Over six feet tall. Personality with a great sense of humor.
The whole kitten caboodle.
The only caveat is he’s now middle-aged and, despite dating many women, he hasn’t been able to find one worth marrying.
Last time we spoke about the topic, he broke it down for me like this:
Women in their 20s are too young and immature.
There’s a reason why 30s are still single.
The 40s are already divorced with three kids.
The 50s are too old to start a family.
Let’s focus on the 30s for a second.
Are women in their 30s really the “leftovers”? The ones who didn’t get snatched up in their 20s because, for one reason or another, they weren’t marriage material?
I would certainly like to think not. But whenever I speak to men, there tends to be a stigma about women in this age group.
“Women in their 30s are entitled and set in their ways.”
“They already had their fun around town and bring tons of baggage into any new relationship.”
“They’re desperate and in a rush to find someone before they age out of the dating market.”
Ouch.
But aren’t there reasons why women may stay single into their 30s, that don’t imply they are undesirable?
Things like pursuing an education or focusing on one’s career could result in taking time away from dating. Women in these categories are not necessarily running around town with tons of men, or suffering through one fractured relationshipship after another.
But men still may not find them attractive, because women who pursue education and career above all else are often seen as masculine.
Truly, truly, we can’t win.
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Devil’s advocate
My main issue with these gripes against women in their 30s is that they are all based on assumptions.
Are there women in their 30s who don’t have a wild and promiscuous past and tons of trauma and baggage? Of course.
Are there women in their 30s who pursued higher education not because of a hypermasculine girl-boss attitude but because that’s truly what they felt called to in life? Of course.
Are there women in their 30s who are willing to compromise, be adaptable, and make a great partner? Of course.
Every woman has a different path in her life, and sometimes that path means she finds herself to be single in her 30s.
My mom got married at 32. She was an immigrant to the United States and had to rebuild her life from scratch. It had nothing to do with her having a past, being hypermasculine, or being too stubborn and set in her ways.
There is no issue with being a single woman in your 30s because it’s not the age that’s the problem.
But if the reason you’re single is because you’re difficult, stubborn, have unreasonably high standards, and think you’re God’s gift to men — that’s another story.
…
Final thoughts
Like with anything, context matters.
If you are a single woman in your 30s, it doesn’t make you undatable.
The characteristics and qualities that men may find unattractive have less to do with a woman’s age and more about her values and qualities.
Women of any age have good and bad qualities.
We don’t have to be the stereotype for our age group. We don’t have to be the epitome of the worst qualities of our age demographic.
We can all do better, and be better.
…
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Andriyko Podilnyk on Unsplash