Well-timed questions provide new perspectives on problems. Stupid questions add stress.
Little Mary runs to mommy, tears running down her face. Mommy says, “What happened?” Mary says, “Bobby hit me.” Mom heads to the sandbox, Mary in tow. “Bobby, did you hit Mary?” Little Bobby, proud of his crime says, “Yes!”
At this point, Mommy asks a stupid question. “Why did you hit your sister?” Bosses ask stupid questions too.
Adversarial conversations:
“Why questions” create adversarial conversations.
Suppose Tardy Tim (T.T.) is usually late for meetings. You explain expectations. “Time is important. Being on time shows respect. I expect you to be on time to our meetings.” T.T. apologizes and commits to being on time. But he’s late for the next meeting.
Don’t ask a stupid question after someone misses the mark. “Why were you late?” is a stupid question.
When you ask, “Why were you late?” T.T. explains he was busy, or he lost track of time, or a customer called, or his watch broke, or there was an important matter on the floor, or he had to pee.
“Why questions”:
“Why questions” assume valid reasons. “Why did you hit your sister?” is an invitation for a reason. There is NO reason to hit your sister. It doesn’t matter that she hit you first.
“Why questions” create adversarial conversations. When you ask Tardy Tim why he was late, he has “good” reasons. What happens next? You explain why his reasons aren’t good enough (adversarial conversation). You might say, “Tim, that’s not a good reason.” Do you really care why T.T. is late?
A better question:
Don’t ask why. Ask what. “What are you going to do next time to ensure you arrive on time?”
When are “why questions” important?
What happens when you ask, “What are you going to do next time?”
Still curious:
Smart Help – 7 Questions to Ask Before Helping
The Best Leaders Ask Questions That Work
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This post was previously published on leadershipfreak.blog under a Creative Commons License.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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