Dating someone who doesn’t like who I’m becoming taught me a lot.
I’ve been in the same relationship for the past four years. I’m 25. For the majority of my early twenties, I have been dating the same person. But I am the furthest thing from the same person I was at the start — and it shows.
It wasn’t until our relationship started cracking that there was room for me to expand — to break open into the fullest expression of myself. In fact, there still isn’t enough room.
It’s only a matter of time before the walls of this relationship burst open entirely. But that’s okay — we didn’t build this relationship to be flexible. We didn’t build our relationship to mold itself to fit new versions of us. We built it around what we wanted each other to be.
That’s what happens when you are young unless you get lucky enough to find someone who gives you the space to grow. Someone who will commit to loving every version of you.
If I have learned one thing from this relationship, it is…I want to define myself on my own terms.
I want to know what I want in a relationship. I don’t want to settle for a love that crams me in a box that I’ve outgrown.
An Argument Against Committed Relationships in Your Early Twenties
There are many reasons why staying single in your early twenties is encouraged — but I never understood the most pressing reason until now.
It’s difficult to create yourself when you have to play within the lines of your partner’s expectations.
Expectations are natural in a relationship. But in your early twenties, expectations can quickly turn into limitations.
My advice, be single in your twenties so you can do whatever you want without worrying about someone else being okay with it. You can try new things, meet new people. Decide you like something and then decide you hate it, have a few failed relationships, have a streak of being completely alone. It’s all up to you.
Take a deep dive into creating the person you want to be. So you can become the multi-faceted, beautiful, fully blossoming version of yourself on your own terms.
In committed relationships, it can become easy to fall into the same patterns and routines. We hold ourselves back and stay the same for fear of losing the love of our partner. Only to lose ourselves.
If you are currently in a healthy relationship, I’m not encouraging you to break things off. But I am encouraging you to step into the most authentic version of yourself. Stop holding yourself back to make others comfortable, and if your relationship crumbles because of it, good.
Don’t shrink yourself to make others comfortable. Expand, expand, expand and watch the magic happen.
Our twenties are some of the most transformative, confusing, and challenging years of our lives. It can be nice to have someone to navigate those years with, but not at the price of living a life that doesn’t set your soul on fire.
Darling, it’s time to create yourself.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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