Octopuses have three hearts, and when they swim, two of them stop beating. Scientists say it is an energy saving mechanism, but tell me that does not sound a little human. How many hearts have we turned off just to keep moving? One for love, one for friendship, one for the self, and we wonder why connection feels like swimming against our own biology.
According to recent data, the average person checks their phone over ninety times a day but holds less than ten minutes of meaningful conversation. We are communicating constantly and connecting rarely. The brain lights up when we receive a message, yet the heart stays dim when the message means nothing. We have turned attention into currency and intimacy into a lost art form.
Psychologists call it emotional minimalism. You share less not because you care less, but because caring without being met is exhausting. You start pruning your honesty like a plant that no longer gets enough light. Then both of you sit there, tending to what once bloomed, pretending it still might.
What if the problem is not that we have forgotten how to love, but that we are terrified of being fully seen? Because being seen means being accountable. It means you cannot hide behind clever words or ironic detachment. And is it not easier to send a reaction than to reveal your reaction?
Relationships do not fail because people stop loving each other. They fail because people start protecting themselves from the person they love. Every silence becomes a strategy, every distance a shield. But what we call self protection is often just fear disguised as ‘maturity’.
Maybe we do not need more advice on communication. Maybe we just need more presence. To listen without waiting to reply. To speak without rehearsing. To remember that love was never supposed to be efficient. It was supposed to be alive. When you plan what to say, you are not talking, you are preparing for a battle; hence, the famous saying ‘Every battle is won before it is fought’ — Sun Tzu. But love was never meant to be one.
Stop being Sun Tzu and start being you.
So yes, the octopus stops two of its hearts to keep going. But we are not built that way. We are meant to keep all three beating, even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. Because the goal is not to survive love. It is to feel it fully and still choose to stay afloat.
Source:
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
Love relationships? We promise to have a good one with your inbox.
Subcribe to get 3x weekly dating and relationship advice.
Did you know? We have 8 publications on Medium. Join us there!
***
–
Photo credit: Hannes Köttner On Unsplash
