Question: About three weeks ago I learned that my wife was cheating on me with a coworker. She begged for forgiveness, and explained how she felt unloved, under appreciated, and so on. We made amends, but now when I look at her, I don’t see the woman I married. I think my marriage is over, but I don’t know if I’m quitting too soon, or if I shouldn’t have reconciled in the first place and just left her.
Answer: Wow, I can’t imagine the shock, the pain and the betrayal… the excruciating heartache. I totally understand what you mean when you look at her… and not seeing the woman you married. There must be so much doubt and spinning thoughts going through your mind, yes?
I hear you that you think your marriage is over… Yet I’m glad you’re questioning if you’re quitting too soon.
If you reconciled without truly making up for the damage done and changing the circumstances and behaviors that led to the disconnection where she felt unloved and unappreciated… then I can see how it would make you feel disempowered and want to leave her because nothing truly would have changed. I would imagine that reconciling without doing the work would make you feel terrified that it would happen again, yes?
Yet what if there was something right about this?
Not that I’m condoning her behavior at all, but that it’s a wake up call to grow, evolve and learn how to be better communicators and truly appreciate one another?
What if you could both learn how to stop hiding your true feelings… and the vulnerable communication could bring the two of you closer?
What if you could learn how each of you like to be appreciated and give that gift to one another in such a way that it strengthened your bond over the years?
What if you discovered even more ways to give and receive pleasure in the bedroom?
What if you both became better human beings with a deeper soul connection if you were willing to do the work?
I feel unwaveringly confident in the power of these questions, because if we don’t grow in our relationship when it ends… we simply attract the same person in a different body! And sometimes we attract someone even worse because our heart is closed and our pride is wounded.
It’s not like the two of you just decided to share a paper-route… this is a marriage! I believe this is worth working at! And I also get that there is a really deep wound that needs to be addressed and healed. And while I don’t condone her choice at all, there’s a possibility that you could’ve done a few things differently along the way, yes? I find it takes two to tango.
So instead of keeping score, each person can take responsibility for where they dropped the ball, and where they could’ve shown up more… And when each person is willing to do their own work, respect is restored and trust grows again. This is the gift of true intimacy… when you are vulnerable and honest and tell the truth to create something even greater than before.
I’m floored by the miracles that are created in my couples counseling, the level of vulnerability and authenticity, the solutions that are revealed when two people are committed to healing and growing! While I have books, home study DVDs and Live group courses, I truly recommend you apply right away for a complementary strategy session with me, and for the two of you to enter into couples counseling.
Best case scenario your marriage will be healed and stronger than ever. Worst case scenario your hearts will be healed and both of you will learn what caused the affair in the first place AND you’ll be able to bless and release each other with kindness and harmony, then move forward knowing you have what it takes for a successful healthy intimate relationship. Either way you win.
You can apply for your complementary strategy session with me at www.allanapratt.com/connect. I believe your marriage and both of your futures deserve to be healed so you can create a feeling healthy hot intimate partnership. Otherwise, I’m sorry, yet I’m confident the cycle will continue, or get worse. It’s like a thorn in your side… unless you address and heal it, it will fester and cause more pain over time.
Great love and gratitude for the courage it took to reach out…
Looking forward to connecting with you soon, Allana xox
p.s. Gentlemen…End the Fear of Rejection.
Enjoy your “How To Be A Noble Badass” Complementary Training at www.GetHerToSayYes.com
Ladies…Be irresistible. Feel sacred. Attract him now.
Enjoy your “Vulnerability is the New Sexy” Complementary Training at www.AllanaPratt.com