Will He Ever Change?

You love him, want to make the relationship work, and know what he needs to do — change.

Your relationship started with such promise. There was excitement and hope of what was possible. You dreamt together, talked about the future, and made promises to one another.

Over time, things change.

Slowly the newness fades, routines take over, and the obligations to the life you’ve created are all around you. It’s not all bad, but it’s not the dream you dreamt. You stuff away the feelings for as long as they will stay down.

The disagreements, arguments, and fights have run the gamut. From small to big to nuclear, or maybe it’s silence, the deafening silence of being alone in a relationship. Somedays, you are indifferent. Other days, the weight feels crushing as you are pleading through tears for him to see what you see and change.

Love me more
See me more
Be here more
Do more
Be more

You wonder if maybe he was always this way, and you are only now realizing it. Perhaps you saw it all along but were hoping your love would be enough. You don’t recognize him anymore.

The jolt of your impassioned plea might awaken something inside him, and he begins to show promise. You begin to see the person you first met and fell in love with. Change begins to happen, and life begins to feel better. There is light at the end of the tunnel until it slowly fades away.

You are tired of the promises but have invested so much time. You are teetering between giving up and waiting just a little bit longer.

It’s not so simple. The life you both created is more intertwined. Walking away or giving up isn’t who you are. On the other side of this, you also know, there will be loss, family scrutiny, and the inevitable criticism.

Leaving means you will lose, but so does staying, so you tolerate, rationalize, and justify what’s happening while you wait.

You are lost between what was and the hope of what can be. If only they would…

. . .

Here’s the truth and the answer to your question, “will they ever change?”

All you have control over is yourself.

Say it with me:
“I only have control over myself.”
“I only have control over myself.”
“I only have control over myself.”

The sooner you accept this truth, the sooner you can begin to ask yourself the right question.

“What do I need to change?”

Photo by Zhanna Fort from Pexels

Doing the work to discover your identity and live in alignment with yourself, not “change” by turning yourself into a pretzel to please him while suffering in silence. Discovering what is meaningful to you in this life, who you want to be, finding your true purpose, and living with passion in alignment with your truth.

You have control over your thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions.

Asking “will they ever change?” is a trap that will keep you from living your truth, exploring your possibilities, looking within, and finding who you are and what you want in this life.

—

This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything