Jen Doan has a step-by-step guide for guys on how to turn your first message into a first date.
In the online dating world, women are inundated with messages every day. Most of these messages are a complete waste of their time. They’re boring, self-centred or just plain rude.
You don’t have to be a professional writer to grab her attention, but you do need to put a little effort in.
On average, an attractive female will receive anywhere from 10 – 20 messages per day. And while most of them will be one-liner greetings like, “Hey babe,” or “Nice pics,” ladies still hold out hope that when the right person messages them, it will all be worth it.
You can be that right person. And with all the terrible messages floating around, it isn’t all that difficult to stand out from the crowd…
So, here’s a few techniques to help you ‘up’ your ‘PM game.’
Spelling and Grammar
Plz dont rite msgs 2 gurls w/ pour grammar.
Proofread everything you write and make sure you sound educated and informed. Poor grammar just leads her to think that you’re a) lazy or b) you wear a lot of Ed Hardy.
Who Do You Want to Attract?
A woman who is looking for a relationship is going to need a different approach than a lady who is just wants a one night stand (not that there’s anything wrong with that).
You can assess which one she is by reading her profile. An intelligent, high-quality female usually has a lot more to say, on her profile, than the average girl. The more she writes and the more intelligent and well spoken she sounds, the more impressive you’ll need to be in your initial message.
Finding the Words
Read her profile. Don’t just skim (except the music/movies section…because, seriously, who is reading those?). If you skim, you’re likely to end up commenting on the same things that everyone else is. If she said she ‘enjoys a glass of bourbon’ in the first paragraph of her write-up, I guarantee that she gets hundreds of messages containing the word ‘bourbon.’ Try to stand out.
DO NOT comment on her physical appearance; even if she’s the most attractive living being you’ve ever laid eyes on. Don’t say anything about her photos, unless you’re asking where she was travelling. If you’ve gone far enough to send her a message, she already knows you find her attractive.
Have a sense of humor about it all. Keep it light and fun. Use your personality quirks to your advantage. She doesn’t want you to be perfect, she wants you to be interesting. If she’s on an online dating site, you can bet that she is bored or disgusted 95% of the time. Be the guy who makes her smile today.
Your first message is only as good as your profile.
Before responding, she will read your entire write-up (yes, the whole thing) and decide whether or not the two of you are aligned. She is more likely to respond if you’ve put the effort in.
The first message is just to spark her interest and get her to your profile. If you make her curious enough to click through to your full summary then, chances are, you’ll receive a response.
Keep in mind, there are a lot of factors that flash through her mind when reading your message. Online dating is a fairly judgmental past time, so don’t feel disheartened if she doesn’t answer.
On average, men have a 10% success rate when it comes to outgoing messages. The ones who have optimized their profile usually sit around 20%. So, even the most successful men get rejected regularly…and, in this case, rejection just means ‘lack of response.’ Which is pretty easy on the ego, as far as rejection goes.
Stay positive. Stay interesting. Stand out from the crowd and remember…your dream girl won’t come easy.
See you online!
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Photo: Flickr/Chen Wu