You Don’t Have to Work for Love

Are you programmed to believe that love is something you have to work for?

Have you spent your whole life proving your worth, waiting for someone to finally say you deserve it?

Or do you believe that other people’s needs are more important than yours and that your happiness only matters once you’ve sacrificed yourself for everyone else?

Regardless of the situation, you always end up last, empty-handed, while everyone else has everything you want.

And the hardest part?

You’re desperate to receive, but you feel guilty when you do.

If this feels familiar, you’ve probably learned that love is conditional and that you’re only worthy if you prove yourself.

Life taught you that love doesn’t come freely; it has to be earned.

But listen to me, please.

To receive love, care, or kindness, you don’t have to be anything other than yourself.

You can be you in all your moods, with all your emotions.

Be happy.

Be sad.

Be everything you are.

You don’t have to be anything other than what you are. For anyone.

You don’t have to work to receive love, or do anything other than be you to be worthy of kindness, care and compassion.

Love is not a transaction. No one is keeping tabs. And if they do? That’s not love. That’s a contract.

“I’ll give you this, then you give me that.”

That’s not love, it’s a negotiation.

No. Love flows freely. Giving and receiving happen naturally.

And I know you want more for yourself.

You want to receive love without having to earn it.

You want to receive love while you can simply be. A love that you don’t have to work for. That’s exhausting. That’s a job. And you already have one of those.

No. It doesn’t have to be like that.

It can be different.

You can receive love, kindness, and care for no other reason than being who you are. You can receive love just like that, without having to work for it, without having to earn it. You can just be, and receive.

Now, how does that sound?

I hear your sigh of relief.

You are exhausted.

I hear you thinking how wonderful that would be. But I also see your disbelief.

“It can’t be like that.”

At least not for you.

Let me tell you: it can be.

The time of fighting for love is over. You can stop now. You can rest. You deserve it.

But then what?

How do you change this dynamic that has been going on forever?

You start by unlearning.

You start challenging everything you’ve learned about love in the past.

So when you receive and the guilt creeps in, recognize it:

“This is old conditioning. This isn’t truth.”

And when you feel the need to perform, to pretend to be something other than you are just to make others happy, pause.

Ask yourself:

“Am I actually being me right now? Or am I being what I think they want?”

You don’t have to be positive all the time to be loved. The right people won’t be threatened by your truth.

And when you’re longing to receive: allow that feeling. Let yourself want. You don’t have to fight the desire. But also remind yourself:

Love given freely is the only love worth having.

If you have to earn it, that’s not love. Again, that’s a contract. And you’re done with contracts.

So, now?

You practice.

You let yourself receive.

You remind yourself, again and again, that you don’t need to prove anything.

Your worth isn’t measured by how much you give or how happy you seem.

You remind yourself every day that love, real love, isn’t something you have to work for. It’s something you can just receive.

Not because you’ve done enough.

Not because you’ve proven your worth.

Not because you’ve fought for it.

No. You can receive love solely for the fact that you exist.

Because you are you.

And that’s reason enough.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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Photo credit: Anita Austvika On Unsplash