Getting older is not hard but it is different. Not everything works the same. Seeing and finding things are more challenging. Good for us that there are entrepreneurs out there trying to fix real issues to make our lives easier. I saw an ad recently for a product that I hope I never will need. It is a light that you hang between the toilet bowl and the seat. The result, a bowl illuminated. I stumbled upon a lengthy commercial touting the benefits for men and women, young and old alike.
Benefits seem to accrue to those men who cannot shoot straight. Particularly in the dark. I wonder if the company could reflect a “bull’s eye” on the water for heightened accuracy. Wandering around in the dark is particularly perilous as we age. The benefit here is, as long as you aim at the bathroom you will have a septic lighthouse to guide you. I’ll take it. Further, if you are successful navigating your way when you have to take a seat you have a beacon to aim for. Though sitting does require looking behind you. That becomes a struggle as we age. Why? Because our backside is larger than it was when we were young.
All good products have choices. I think people like options. This one had an array of colors to choose from. What is your color? Light blue was a choice. I like light blue, reminds me of the ocean. Can I dump in the hue of light blue? On light blue? Will the light create a shadow of my junk? Up on the ceiling? Are we just trying to fool ourselves? We all know we are literally and figuratively dumping in the ocean anyway? Now we’re just doing it in the comfort of our own homes.
I get the feeling all this may become a super distraction to normal bowel movements. Perhaps we should not buy the product. It just might encourage constipation. Or, it may prove some long ago discarded Freudian theory that we do not want to entertain.
If it promotes blockage there are any number of concoctions that can fix that. I like Ex-Lax, tried and true. I wonder though. Does it come in light blue pills that encourage the output to be light blue? You know to make things equal with the lighted water. Blue on blue.
Red is bad, forget that. It was an option, but I would predict it will never be a best seller.
Green. That is an interesting one. Reminds me of money, grass, spring and fried tomatoes. Not all bad. An option.
How about yellow? We are confusing output.
Here we just might be dealing with a combination color and extraction method. Front, back, color and meaning.
Shit, this is confusing.
Whatever color you choose is up to you. Of course, another option is not to light the bowl or to put a night light in the bathroom. That is an answer to a problem that goes back to the time when there were no lights or electricity. What was there? Candles. They also have an added benefit in the bathroom for those who do not know. A candle also increases the likelihood that you will set your home on fire and burn it down.
Aging does suck, but only a little. As we wander around trying to figure out why what was routine seems so confusing, we actually believe some of it is new. You know, like learning how to ride a bike. Aging is a constant source of entertainment and education. Even if it means we are relearning what we knew and had forgotten. We get to say, “I am X years old and am still learning.” It is circuitous.
I do not think we need a light for our toilet bowl. In our house we are risk takers and are confident we will find our own way in the dark. Once we get there, we know what to do. If we miss, we miss. If we make, we are confident we learned something new. That is how I am going out, missing and making but still learning. I do not need any guidance in the bathroom, I have been doing it for years.
Perhaps the great entrepreneurial minds of our times can figure out something important. Stuff like how to navigate a Yield sign when driving. If I am entering onto a highway, should I speed up and cut left in front of the guy in the right lane? If I am driving in the right lane and see a car entering the highway, should I slow down and let him enter in front of me? Or, should I speed up and leave him in the dust? We both saw Yield signs at the same time on our unrelated journey.
We need to shine a light on the Yield sign and its meaning. Then we can try to figure out the calculus of the bathroom in the dark.
My best, Chris
Photo: Getty Images