You Will Have Fun Whether You Like It or Not

My mother was a combination of Auntie Mame and Lucille Ball. But with a Texas twist, more like Debbie Reynolds, whom she adored. Her humor wasn’t always intentional. It was mostly in the form of phrases that were uttered in certain situations, or even apropos of nothing in particular. I find myself blurting out her sayings on a regular basis. They come unbidden to my tongue in many situations, even if some of them seem to make no sense.

When we were at an intersection waiting for a light to turn green, she always said, “Come on! It’s time for the protestants to go.” This was confusing on many levels.

While we were protestant, so was everyone else in our tiny town. Plus we only had one traffic light. Since I remember hearing it so often, we must have been driving in the adjacent “big city,” which did indeed have a Catholic church.

However, I never heard her or anyone else in my family say anything directly derogatory about Catholics. Although my sisters and I remember our father saying not to marry someone Catholic, a Black man, a Yankee, or someone Jewish. Between the three of us, we covered all those bases. Some more than once. So much for fatherly advice.

That’s a story for another time. This one is about our mother and her colorful language.

…

“You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’” has a more obvious derivation. The Dictionary of American Slang and Green’s Dictionary of Slang, state its beginnings were in the 1940’s when Mom was a teen. It meant strolling or driving looking for trouble. Cruising means “dragging the square” or the main street. By the 1950’s, while it still meant that, parents used it to threaten misbehaving children. In other words, “You’re headed for trouble.” That’s how my mother and my friends’ mothers used it.

She created her own slang words based on the times. She called us “kidniks” during the Cold War with Russia. Later, the worst thing she could think of to say to us was, “Stop being so Blasé.”

Since the word means world weary, it’s highly unlikely we as kids in a small Texas town were actually blasé. I believe she connected it with the cool indifference of the Beatnik generation. You’ll also notice, many of her sayings had to do with enjoying life with a child-like wonder, and that’s what she wanted to give us. Being blasé was the opposite of that, so she hated it.

One of her most memorable sayings was also invoked while driving. “They’re taking their half out of the middle,” she’d say of road hogs. I’m sure she applied it to anyone who got in her way anywhere.
When she was in a good mood, and told us to do something which we didn’t do, she’d reverse it. As in, “Take the trash out.” “Okay, don’t take the trash out. I will have you do what I tell you to do.”

We made sure to pay attention to when she meant it and when she was playing around. Usually, the trash got taken out either way, since she could be just as scary when angry as she was funny when not.

She became a feminist, and regretted the one we teased her about the most after we grew up. Whenever we complained that our pony tails were so tight we couldn’t see, that fabric from a frilly dress was scratchy, or that a home perm was burning, she’d say, “You have to suffer for beauty.”

We did and do, to this day. She never gave up the pursuit of beauty either. Some things stick with you even when you become enlightened.

Another in that vein is the answer she had for nearly every complaint. She’d look at us with a glint of steel and say, “You’ll survive.” We always did. And do.

She wasn’t a patient woman, as you might have guessed by her impatience with complaining. If she was waiting on anyone, including us, to do something and we were hesitating, she’d say, “Do something, even if it’s wrong.” Not bad advice. Maybe she inspired the Nike phrase, “Just do it.”

This is especially funny, though, considering she was always running late. How she managed to herd us three cats and herself is a conundrum. Getting us places close to on time fell on our Dad. Technically, he herded the cats.

My all time favorite, though not at the time I was growing up, was, “You’ll have fun whether you like it or not!” She trotted this saying out whenever we were on vacation, or on an outing she’d planned.

If we complained of the heat, our feet hurting, being tired, or any of the other multitude of whining moans kids come up with, she would immediately say it to us. And you know what? We did. Every time.

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything