Please Don’t Tell Me I Will Find Someone

I think it is fair I start this post saying that, sometimes, when feeling overwhelmed due the impracticality of being single in a society mainly adapted for coupled living, I have complained about not having the support of a partner to make things easier. It is also fair to say that this whining is no more that the equivalent of a married person saying they are tired of their partner always forgetting the house keys. No reasonable person would get divorced for such trifle, neither do I mean I want a partner.

So if anyone ever hears me whimsically wishing for a partner to solve a trivial issue I have in my hands, please abstain from tilting the head to the side and saying in a reassuring voice: “Aww…You´ll find someone”. I would very much despise that comment and, although manners would prevent me to say it aloud, I would be using my externally silenced inner voice to tell you “aww…Fuck off”.

What most coupled people think is a good wish born from their best intention to reassure single people that they also can live their bliss, is an insult. Just read the previous sentence: reassurance that single people also can have what coupled people have. We are stating already that whatever couples have is better that what the individual has. Although regarding social and economic privilege that is unfairly true, in other areas of life to assume the superiority of living couple is pretty biased.

Here are the reasons why if you say “you´ll find someone” or similar to us, singletons, you are very disrespectful:

1. You don’t know. Period. It might or might not happen. By reassuring us on something no one can control, you are treating us like children waiting awake to see Santa.
2. You want to force your way of living on us assuming that yours is better.
3. You assume we cannot be happy on our own.
4. You assume we need another person to make our life better than it is. Thus you are considering our life is not good enough, and must resemble yours.
5. You are indirectly saying you feel sorry for us, as you are wishing we were living something else which you consider better.
6. You are sorry because we are alone, showing a poor understanding of what being alone means to many of us (a great thing) and that it is a choice for many.
7. You are assuming that singlehood is not a choice and thus we are not adults making our decisions, but mere poor souls living our misfortune.
8. You assume we are missing something in life and feel sorry for it. We might not have that something and be very grateful we haven´t.
9. You assume the love we give and receive is not as good quality as the one you can get from a partner. Thus you state the superiority of your relationship over any of ours.
10. We might not give a fuck about finding a partner, to be honest, so you are just condescending and arrogant assuming that we want to live like you.

In saying that, I am not offended anymore if someone addresses my singlehood as a problem that Supreme Divine mediation will solve over the course of my life. But don´t be surprised if I reply with a “don´t worry, you´ll break up with your partner and will be able to enjoy a life of freedom like mine.” I would be showing as much disrespect, making the opposite assumptions and favouring mine, of course, which won´t say much about my integrity at that moment, but it´ll be fun to see your reaction…

Originally Published on Single, Own It!

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Photo: Getty Images