I remember the words on the day my first ever girlfriend broke up with me.
“This isn’t working. I can’t do this anymore.”
I was lost. I had no idea what to do. 21 years old, almost done with college, and no girlfriend. I remember speaking with my sister on the phone, and not knowing what to do. She told me to not worry about it, and it will sting for a bit, but I’ll eventually be okay. You’ll be laughing about this years later. Looking back — I was upset. But, it’s five years later, and I’ve grown so much as a human being. I know find myself in an amazing relationship with a beautiful girl who shares similar values of mine.
Meeting needs in relationships
We all need to ask ourselves what our needs are in life and what we expect from a potential partner.
“What do I need from a partner when I’m in a relationship?”
Some of us have emotional needs, physical needs, intellectual needs, and the list goes on. What’s important to you? What are those needs that are dealbreakers? I’ve learned over the years that a partner won’t complete me. For those who believe in your better half — kudos to you. But, the only person that complete you is you. Learning to be happy being alone is the key when entering any relationship.
“You go into any relationship with the intention of giving.”
The young me was saying, “What can I get out of this situation.” Whether that be sex, emotional needs, etc. The adult you should realize that you go into any relationship with the intention of giving. Giving your time, your emotions, yourself, your energy. Asking your partner what your core needs are is the first step.
What are your needs?
Ask yourself…what are your needs? What do you need from a partner in a relationship for it to thrive and survive? When we understand ourselves, we then can communicate with our partner what we need. Back to my previous point of being whole and happy when you enter a relationship — that needs to happen to know your needs! When we respect ourselves, we respect our partners and give them the attention they deserve.
Your partner isn’t perfect
Your partner isn’t perfect, and neither are you. It’s not your partner’s responsibility to make you happy. It’s yours. Things happen in life, and stuff gets in the way. Life will happen, and things will happen between you and your partner.
Talk about it.
Communicate.
Be intentional.
Know that a perfect human being does not exist in this world.
Focus on giving
Focus on giving. And if you don’t know what I mean — then rethink things. Giving is the ultimate gift of life. When we give — we learn to love. And love hard. Give with no intention of getting something back. Always give. I’ve learned in my life when I give, I’m the happiest.
If you’re constantly giving to your partner and getting nothing in return — that’s okay. Talk about it and find out why. What’s going on? Your partner may be stressed, things going on in life, etc. Learn to communicate. Learn to communicate openly. Your partner can’t read your mind — only you know your mind.
. . .
Final thoughts
A perfect partner doesn’t exist. Be happy and whole when you enter any relationship, and communicate your core needs. If your core needs aren’t being met — you have an option whether to stay or leave the relationship. You’re in control of your life. You’re in the driver’s seat. Focus on giving in relationships. Not only in relationships but in life.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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