You are who you project. If you look at yourself as a weirdo with no sense of style and no ability to talk to women, you will project it. Take some time to really like who you are, and go after women who also like that guy.
Note: No guy likes being called creepy. It is a terrible word, and way over-used. That being said…
Dudes: let’s face it, sometimes we can be real creeps (whether deliberately or unconsciously). So here are some helpful tips for ya. You’re welcome.
P.S. I learned from experience. I’m not proud to admit that I’ve done some of these things in the past. Damn, son.
P.P.S. This is meant for straight dudes, but I’d like to think that there is some cross-over for women weirdos, gay weirdos, trans weirdos, and lesbian weirdos. Maybe we are all weirdos. Of course we are!
- Don’t Touch. There is good touch and bad touch. Good touch examples: hugging your mom, punching your best friend on the arm, smooching your girlfriend, shaking hands with your boss. Bad touch examples: slapping a waitress on her butt, rubbing up on somebody on public transportation, grabbing/smelling a stranger’s hair in a nightclub, frenching your mom.
- Say Something. For shy types, sometimes you just stare longingly at the object of your affection and never build up the courage to say something. While it may seem like Enlightenment pining from afar to you, after too much staring it starts to creep people out. Say something. Anything. Call out the awkwardness even. But say something. We all fumble the ball, but it can be a big relief for the other party to just acknowledge it.
- Calm the Frenzy. You might be nervous and sweaty and uncomfortable. I get it. Take some moments to deep breathe into your heart chakra and relax. Hang with your friends. If you want somebody to notice you, do stuff worth noticing. Get really good at darts. That impresses girls, right?
- Put a Ring on It. Oh you’re married, player? Yeah, it is a supremely creepy move to take off your wedding ring and go to hotel bars (or anywhere, really). You didn’t have to get married, but you did. If you aren’t happy, talk to your spouse. If it ain’t working, get a divorce. Don’t cheat!
- Keep Your Camera Out of Your Pants. Don’t just send dick pictures to people you hardly know. Don’t post them on Craigslist. I mean, you can…I just don’t see the endgame. What do you think will happen? “Oh, wow…I didn’t realize he had a penis. This changes EVERYTHING.”
- Don’t Yell At Girls From a Car. Don’t do it. At best, this is obnoxious and stupid. At worst, it’s creepy and makes women feel incredibly uncomfortable. And also, don’t yell “f*g!” at anybody. Of course, if you are the kind of guy who yells “f*g!” out of a moving vehicle, you probably are not reading this article right now. Or any article.
- Establish and Respect Boundaries. An extension of #1. “Hey work colleague, are you a hugger? Great…let’s hug! No? Oh, ok. I will not hug you.” “Hey fellow improvisational comedian, what is your physical comfort level with me? Great, I will respect that, and not try to plant one on you and grab your breasts.” Respect boundaries, people! If you don’t know somebody, don’t assume that you have the tacit go-ahead to grab them or touch them. You don’t.
- Know When to Ask Her Out. Good times to ask her out: after she has kissed you; when both of you are staring longingly into each others’ eyes during a deep and comfortable silence; when she is in a good mood. Bad times to ask her out: at her father’s funeral; consoling her after a traumatic experience; right after her abortion; after you have given her a performance review.
- Be Your Age. Do you remember those friends you had in high school who had boyfriends who were 28 and owned used Cameros and would park right outside the school and smoke? Do you remember thinking those guys were cool? I sure didn’t. I didn’t think it was cool then, and I don’t now. You’re 28 man! I’m not saying that people of different ages can’t fall in love; but recognize that dating somebody several decades younger (or older) than you is unconventional. Understand that age does mean something, and you aren’t the college football hero you used to be (or…whatever). George Clooney just barely gets away with it, and he is the sexiest man ever.
- Be Comfortable With Yourself. Easier said than done, right? You are who you project. If you look at yourself as an asexual weirdo with no sense of style and no ability to talk to women, you will project it. Take some time to really like who you are, and go after women who also like that guy. If you are a geek who is really into Call of Duty, love it. You might not be the right guy for Suzy Cheerleader, but there are tons of hot, cute, and smart women out there who dig Call of Duty too.
Also read: Ten Things I’ve Learned From Being Dumped by Josh Bowman
—Photo of Vegas Bob courtesy of fPat/Flickr