You are who you project. If you look at yourself as a weirdo with no sense of style and no ability to talk to women, you will project it. Take some time to really like who you are, and go after women who also like that guy.
Note: No guy likes being called creepy. It is a terrible word, and way over-used. That being said…
Dudes: let’s face it, sometimes we can be real creeps (whether deliberately or unconsciously). So here are some helpful tips for ya. You’re welcome.
P.S. I learned from experience. I’m not proud to admit that I’ve done some of these things in the past. Damn, son.
P.P.S. This is meant for straight dudes, but I’d like to think that there is some cross-over for women weirdos, gay weirdos, trans weirdos, and lesbian weirdos. Maybe we are all weirdos. Of course we are!
- Don’t Touch. There is good touch and bad touch. Good touch examples: hugging your mom, punching your best friend on the arm, smooching your girlfriend, shaking hands with your boss. Bad touch examples: slapping a waitress on her butt, rubbing up on somebody on public transportation, grabbing/smelling a stranger’s hair in a nightclub, frenching your mom.
- Say Something. For shy types, sometimes you just stare longingly at the object of your affection and never build up the courage to say something. While it may seem like Enlightenment pining from afar to you, after too much staring it starts to creep people out. Say something. Anything. Call out the awkwardness even. But say something. We all fumble the ball, but it can be a big relief for the other party to just acknowledge it.
- Calm the Frenzy. You might be nervous and sweaty and uncomfortable. I get it. Take some moments to deep breathe into your heart chakra and relax. Hang with your friends. If you want somebody to notice you, do stuff worth noticing. Get really good at darts. That impresses girls, right?
- Put a Ring on It. Oh you’re married, player? Yeah, it is a supremely creepy move to take off your wedding ring and go to hotel bars (or anywhere, really). You didn’t have to get married, but you did. If you aren’t happy, talk to your spouse. If it ain’t working, get a divorce. Don’t cheat!
- Keep Your Camera Out of Your Pants. Don’t just send dick pictures to people you hardly know. Don’t post them on Craigslist. I mean, you can…I just don’t see the endgame. What do you think will happen? “Oh, wow…I didn’t realize he had a penis. This changes EVERYTHING.”
- Don’t Yell At Girls From a Car. Don’t do it. At best, this is obnoxious and stupid. At worst, it’s creepy and makes women feel incredibly uncomfortable. And also, don’t yell “f*g!” at anybody. Of course, if you are the kind of guy who yells “f*g!” out of a moving vehicle, you probably are not reading this article right now. Or any article.
- Establish and Respect Boundaries. An extension of #1. “Hey work colleague, are you a hugger? Great…let’s hug! No? Oh, ok. I will not hug you.” “Hey fellow improvisational comedian, what is your physical comfort level with me? Great, I will respect that, and not try to plant one on you and grab your breasts.” Respect boundaries, people! If you don’t know somebody, don’t assume that you have the tacit go-ahead to grab them or touch them. You don’t.
- Know When to Ask Her Out. Good times to ask her out: after she has kissed you; when both of you are staring longingly into each others’ eyes during a deep and comfortable silence; when she is in a good mood. Bad times to ask her out: at her father’s funeral; consoling her after a traumatic experience; right after her abortion; after you have given her a performance review.
- Be Your Age. Do you remember those friends you had in high school who had boyfriends who were 28 and owned used Cameros and would park right outside the school and smoke? Do you remember thinking those guys were cool? I sure didn’t. I didn’t think it was cool then, and I don’t now. You’re 28 man! I’m not saying that people of different ages can’t fall in love; but recognize that dating somebody several decades younger (or older) than you is unconventional. Understand that age does mean something, and you aren’t the college football hero you used to be (or…whatever). George Clooney just barely gets away with it, and he is the sexiest man ever.
- Be Comfortable With Yourself. Easier said than done, right? You are who you project. If you look at yourself as an asexual weirdo with no sense of style and no ability to talk to women, you will project it. Take some time to really like who you are, and go after women who also like that guy. If you are a geek who is really into Call of Duty, love it. You might not be the right guy for Suzy Cheerleader, but there are tons of hot, cute, and smart women out there who dig Call of Duty too.
Also read: Ten Things I’ve Learned From Being Dumped by Josh Bowman
—Photo of Vegas Bob courtesy of fPat/Flickr
Sigh. Yet another “Men: Don’t Do That” article with zero advice on what to do instead. Don’t be shy, don’t be nervous, don’t do this, don’t do that….
In other words, more complaining… the laziest and easiest kind of article to write. How about something constructive instead? How about some advice on how to OVERCOME shyness and nervousness? How about some specifics on how to learn what you need to “just know”?
Sorry wrong article, constant refreshing on GMP +phone keyboard.
The police report of the incident that came out after, stated that rihanna (throw the first punch) by taking her stiletto’s shoes off & started hitting him upside the head with the pointy part of the heel. The point I am making is not about oh( he hit me -she hit me first like children ) but since they are both adults, how come she wasn’t charged for her part in it, although I do understand an average male can do more damage to a female, nevertheless this idea of treating women as less then adults (like children) at least… Read more »
Sorry, meant who instead how in previous comment.
On the subway or train, do not try to take a stranger girl/woman’s picture with your cellphone….CREEPY! On the subway or commuter train, if a girl or woman is starting to fall asleep in her seat, do not try to touch her or grope her…That could get you arrested and your face in the local paper! If you really don’t know how to approach women, hang out with a bunch of your female friends and let them help you get a clue! Really, staring at a woman’s ass, no matter how attractive, is really rude (especially if she catches you… Read more »
Staring is generally poor form though there are exceptions, but subtle glances are harmless. Sometimes you go for a subtle glance and catch her looking back at you.
@Leia
“On the Subway or train, do not try to take a girl/woman’s picture with your cellphone ….Creepy!”
Have you heard of tubecrush.net?
Take a look at it Leia & tell me if these women how do that are creepy too or does your suggestion apply only to men?
Let me see if this is appropriate, take a look at tubecrush.net.
Not that I would ever take a picture even if found a woman attractive but is there a double standard here?
Yes, there’s usually a lot of barely latent ageism tucked into the critique of “creeps.”
This post is supposed to be tips, but in fact it is just shaming of certain behaviour by usage of the generic insult “creepy”, which is usually a subjective judgement and so nobody can disprove it. Some of the behaviour described and condemned above is indeed harmful, like groping or sending unwanted pictures of ones genitalia, but some is absolutely harmless. For example what example what is the harm in a 60 year old behaving like a 20 year old? A lot of the advice seems like coming from a prudish seventy year old lady; For example: 1.A good touch… Read more »
Sorry, but #s 2, 3, 9, and 10 are beyond my conscious control. I am a creep.
Number 9 is beyond your control?!
Well, I tend to be attracted to women quite a bit younger than me, but due to some things that happened to me in childhood I’m incapable of being sexual with anyone, so it’s a moot point. I don’t really identify with anyone my age, but I’ve only been in therapy for about 15 years, so I am starting to mature some. In my defense, it’s been a decade since I did anything like #1 (and the previous time was over a decade before that), and I’d be far too embarrassed to do anything like #5 or #6. A few… Read more »
“Number 9 is beyond your control?!”
What does boundary violation have to do with dating younger women?!
That is how you defined creepiness. The truth is creepiness is just a word that women use to describe behaviour they don’t like. And creepiness == boundary violation is just a ad hoc justification which is total bullshit. A 40 year old dating a 18 year old is not violating anyone’s boundaries.
A few of these need mild revisions. Don’t touch seems to conflate mauling with touching. There are degrees in between. Wedding rings don’t really matter. I’ve received more attention from certain types after getting married. In Seinfeld parlance, I have the stink of commitment on me. Yelling at girls from the car is great if you know the girl. See a friend out jogging – “Hey baby! Looking good!” #8 seems off, but the wife and I didn’t go on our first date till sometime into the relationship. Being youthful isn’t the same as trying to hang onto fading high… Read more »
I LOVE #5. Not only is it creepy, guys, let’s be honest, no penis is cute.
I beg to disagree. In the immortal words of Romanovsky & Phillips:
This is why we love you. Too funny.
“Know When to Ask Her Out. Good times to ask her out: after she has kissed you; when both of you are staring longingly into each others’ eyes during a deep and comfortable silence; when she is in a good mood. Bad times to ask her out: at her father’s funeral; consoling her after a traumatic experience; right after her abortion; after you have given her a performance review.” Wow, you don’t actual say when to ask a person out. You just put knowing when to ask out a girl as a condition of not being a creep. Then you… Read more »
Poe’s law?
Perhaps. Maybe, But I’ve seen too much of this kind of stuff. Good editorial policy should prevent it. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law
We are all quite different and unique individuals. It’s only the mass-media’s attempts to smash everyone into a mold that leads us to believe we ‘should’ be a certain way. How about realizing how wonderfully different we each are and celebrating it in each other. Also, not projecting one’s wants and needs onto others in the hopes of finding someone to be co-dependent with. I love finding someone who is unique and a mystery. Someone whom makes me wonder what creative unexpected thing s/he will do next! I hope to find other who are also looking for and celebrating these… Read more »
I second this.
As an asexual weirdo of many years’ standing (albeit with a sense of style and some ability to talk to women), I can assure you that if you think of yourself that way, it is probably because society has told you that’s what you are.
Josh, I liked the article, but I don’t like men being called “creeps,” (or pervs, or skeevs.) It’s too much like the n-word because it’s a weapon, and almost always applied to men.
Yeah, being called a creep is EXACTLY like being called the n-word. Trust me, I have and it completely is not.
More information on when you were called a creep would help build that trust.
Being called a “creep” is generally based upon your behavior.
Being called the N-word is based upon physical attributes you have no control over with the added historical bonus of mass genocide against your population and centuries of enslavement and torture.
Not the same.
Equate it with “bitch” and I’ll get on the same page with you.
This is a great examination of the word “creep” —
https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/creepy-behavior-and-the-difference-between-attractive-and-attracted/
No, it’s really not. Unless, apparently, you’re a woman, in which case Dr. Nerdlove is a dreamy hybrid of Ryan Gosling and Siri (the Apple service with an answer for everything).
It isn’t entirely based on behavior. It is a combination of varying degrees of behavior and physical attributes. I didn’t smile for YEARS because I was told that I had a creepy smile. The simple fact of the matter is being called a creep or being told you’re creepy depends both on what you are doing, your level of physical attractiveness, and the other person’s attraction towards you.
11. Make some noise when you walk. I know those new shoes are so light and comfortable you barely know they’re there, but that’s the problem, because she won’t know you’re there until you’re right behind her. Cough or stomp a little so she knows you’re around and not creeping up on her.
Josh, Amusing article! I particularly liked #6. That could probably apply to a lot of advice columns on the GMP and elsewhere. ” …you probably are not reading this article right now. Or any article.” Yeah. I thought that the most important one was #10. But a little caveat might be that once you have accepted the fact that you are really different from everyone else, and you feel really good about that, you’re going to have to accept the fact that the number of women that will be attracted to you is extremely limited. A restaurant is probably going… Read more »