In the classic fairytale, the handsome Prince rescues the beautiful Princess from her evil stepmother Queen, and they live happy ever after…
The Cambridge English Dictionary defines happy ever after – a situation in which someone is happy and satisfied for the rest of their life, especially in a romantic relationship.
I’m not in a romantic relationship. I’m 5’ 3”. I’m not handsome. I’m not exactly rich. I’m not what women want. I don’t check the boxes. I’m on the journey to fall madly and deeply in love with a woman, who will love me the same way. It’s possible. I don’t know how probable. My happy ever after might follow a different path. Perhaps, the one less traveled.
Aikido Founder O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “Those who are possessed by nothing possess everything.” Happy ever after follows the path of acceptance. I can be satisfied for the rest of my life following that path.
In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. We all get that. The Second Noble Truth is the source of suffering. My source of suffering was my childhood trauma and my fear that I would never be good enough for Dad. I can’t do anything about the past. Lady MacBeth said, “What’s done cannot be undone.” The Third Noble Truth is the end of suffering. All suffering shall end. All lives shall end, too. That’s just the human design. By definition, all suffering ends in death. Maybe, my suffering ends before my end. Who knows? It’s possible.
The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. We all discover our own paths. We’re all different. On my path to end suffering, I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not over, and over, and over again. Maybe, that’s my happy ever after.
O-Sensei said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s me against me. I’m my greatest opponent. Although I shall never attain that victory, I do what I have to and give up what I need to be the greatest that I can be.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” He said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” When the bigger stronger man punches to my face, I wait it out. I enter the attack. I take a glancing blow if I have to. I’m not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.
In the center of the attack, I hold my position. Make my timing. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. I apply nikkyo (wristlock) to myself and match the punch with yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the head) to the attacker. I can let the attacker pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses to take the fall or get hit in the face. We both choose.
Every time I enter the attack, enter what I fear, I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear, I let go more of my fear inside me. I’m present. I’m quiet inside. I can be happy inside. Regardless of the noise outside me. That’s my happy ever after.
I feed my little squirrel friend Rocky in the park. We’ve been friends for about 5 years. As the Rock looks at me eating his favorite walnut snacks, he looks happy. I believe he’s happy. After all, he’s a squirrel. Rocky isn’t possessed by anything. He’s present in the moment. He’s thankful in the moment. He’s happy in the moment. That’s his happy ever after.
When I train in Aikido or write for the Good Men Project, I’m present. I’m quiet inside. I’m happy in the present. I’m happy now. I’m like Rocky.
I still may find the great love of my life. Who knows? Lightening could strike. I have nothing to do with what goes on inside someone else. I have a say in what goes on inside me. I work on myself, not on others. That’s all I can do. I’m the best person that I can be. I’m satisfied.
On the path to end suffering, I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, and over again. I’m quiet inside. I’m present in the moment. I’m happy in the moment. I’m satisfied. My happy ever after is being happy in the present. The present is all I have. The present is all that we have. That’s our happy ever after.
—
photo: iStock
