In Shakespeare’s MacBeth, MacBeth says:
Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
Life inherently has no meaning. We are either being right or making others wrong. We are continually making up for a failure to be, usually from childhood. We are trying to win at life, when in the end we all will die That’s just the human design. That’s just life.
Werner Erhard said that the only meaning in life is the meaning that we give it. When we get that we choose who we are going to be in any given moment, then making a difference becomes our authentic self-expression. That gives life meaning, in a good way. In this Ying and Yang world, there is good meaning and bad meaning. We choose. Perhaps, a meaningful life lies in the balance of light and dark, good and bad.
In Writer and Director Greta Gerwig’s Barbie, Margot Robbie’s Barbie meets her creator Ruth Handler, played by Rhea Perlman. Ruth created Barbie as an idea inspired by her daughter Barbara.
Ruth says, “Ideas live forever. Humans not so much.” Being human is uncomfortable by definition. We create such things as patriarchy and Barbie to make life less uncomfortable. Ruth eloquently punctuates the frailty of humanity: “And then you die.” Barbie gets it. She still wants to be human, not just a doll, and not just an idea of a woman.
Barbie poignantly says, “I want to be a part of the people that make meaning, not the thing that’s made. I want to do the imagining. I don’t’ want to be the idea.”
We all want to make meaning in life. I want to make meaning in life and have a meaningful life, too. We all do. Life isn’t some idea, some theory. My time on Planet Earth is finite. While I live, I want to make meaning. That doesn’t just happen. That takes work. Given my starting point, my zero that I’m not good enough that took some work and then some.
The late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido for 25 years until he passed away. Sensei said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” I just trained. Put in the work. Put in the time. I’m Godan (5th degree black belt), because of Mizukami Sensei. Sensei was a father to me. He taught me what it is to be a good man: to be of service to others and make a difference.
In many ways, Mizukami Sensei saved my life. He was meaningful to me. His life gave me meaning. I pass on all that Sensei taught me. Wait it out. Take a glancing blow if you have to. You’re not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time. That wasn’t only meant for the 250-pound man punching to my face. I wait it out and take a glancing blow for what’s meaningful to me in life. I make meaning.
Mizukami Sensei taught both Ishibashi Sensei and me. Now, Ishibashi Sensei is my Sensei, my Big Brother. Sensei said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” He reminds, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” I enter the attack and die with honor. Every time I enter the attack, I let go more of my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear I let go more of my fear inside. I free me. I make meaning.
I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I enter my fear that I’ll never be good enough, my childhood fear of Dad. I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father, for being afraid, and for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for not being strong enough as a little boy to stand up to Dad and protect Mom. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I make meaning.
My late Mom lived a meaningful life. At her funeral services in Honolulu, I spoke with my graduate school friend Carlos. Carlos said that he had to come to pay his respect and show his love. He said, “Your Mom was like our Mom here (in Hawaii).” I cried. Making meaning gives life. Having a meaningful life is meaningful to others.
Make meaning in life. Let go of the fear inside that you’re not good enough. Love yourself for who you are and forgive yourself for who you’re not. Just train. My Mom’s profound legacy is that everyone have the possibility of their meaningful life. I’m a proud part of her legacy. I try to make meaning in life. May you all do the same. Make your life meaningful. Have a good life. At least be open to the possibility. Amen.
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Photo by Simon Ray on Unsplash
