By saying no, what are you saying yes to?
Transformation is triggering, confrontational, and scary. Most transformation occurs outside of one’s comfort zone, so by definition transformation will be a bit uncomfortable. Got it? Good, and it’s OK. But if you want something different than what you currently got, hang on. There’s a saying that I have come to love that I believe originated from the author of Eat, Pray, Love… Elizabeth Gilbert.
I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting sick of their own bullshit.
There’s so much truth there because essentially why would someone intentionally take on uncomfortable work? By design, we as humans strive to keep comfortable, safe, predictable and knowing. It is a survival mechanism instilled in us from the earliest days of running from saber tooth tigers and other critters. Our survival, our aliveness needed us to play it safe. Those that took risks got hurt, mangled, or killed…but things are a bit different now.
Wait! Stop! Maybe not so different.
You see our dumb brains are still wired think we are running away from critters. So, we’ve had to substitute new “critters” to run away from. Shame, embarrassment, failure, boldness, big dreams, having it all, taking leaps to create the futures we want, making difficult decisions. These are the new critters and why it’s so uncomfortable to experience them. They are a threat to our survival. Think a bit about it and notice how these new critters may have or are playing out in your life. Especially when the new and different shows up in life. The job interview, the first date, the tough decision, scary conversation, death of a loved one, health scare. Take a look.
So, I’ll ask again, why would we take on work that is uncomfortable and that our dumb brains are perceiving as threatening. Well, we’ve had it, we’re at a crossroads, and we’re looking for something different. We’re so sick of our own bullshit that we’re willing to face the discomfort.
Discomfort = Transformation
There are a few things to consider in taking on some transformational work.
1. Are you willing?
Willingness is key here. Are you willing to face the discomfort and do what it takes? Remember this is your work and something you will need to choose. You’ll likely need to choose, over and over, and over again as again your dumb brain will want you to tap out, crawl back to the comfort of your cave and live your predictable existence.
2. Is your “what for” big enough?
You will need a no shit no kidding big enough “what for” to keep you pushing through the fear, the discomfort, and the un-knowing. When it gets dark and confusing, will your light at the end of the tunnel be enticing enough to help you remember why you took this on in the first place? It better be! Do whatever it takes to stay connected to your “what for”. This being your goal and the dream you wanted to create in the first place.
3. Are you sufficiently supported?
Do not go it alone. I repeat do not go it alone. You will need a support structure sufficient enough to overcome your resistance. Sometimes you will need support in remembering your “what for” or remembering who the F you really are, or support in remembering that it’s normal to feel not normal when transforming. Perhaps someone to say the things to you that you don’t really want to hear so that you can see where you are actually in your own way, and point you to the things so you actually get what you want.
So here’s the invitation.
Take a look at your career, your relationships, your well-being, your overall experience of life.
If you are not where you want to be in any area of your life you have a decision right?
If you want something you don’t have you’ll need to do something you haven’t ever done.
You likely haven’t done it to this point because it’s uncomfortable. It’s too risky. Your brain is protecting you.
It will require transformation.
So if you are saying no to transformation, what are you saying yes to?
Previously published on Conlincoaching.com.
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