—
I can say with full confidence that I have an Upper Limit problem. According to an “Experience Life” article by Gay Hendricks an Upper-Limit is:
…an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. That thermostat setting usually gets programmed in early childhood. And, once programmed, our Upper-Limit thermostat setting holds us back from enjoying all the love, financial abundance and creativity that’s rightfully ours.
I didn’t always know what was driving my self-sabotage. It took years of highs and lows before I understood that I was the one who was panicking when things seemed to be going well.
It felt normal to have anxiety when life seemed to be coasting along and everything appeared to be lining up perfectly. I was waiting for the “other shoe to drop”. Something bad had to happen. When it didn’t happen, I’d make it happen to ease my anxiety and return to my normal levels of contentment.
The power of sabotage.
The word sabotage can conjure up images of something drastic happening, but its effects are generally much more subtle. For example, if I was enjoying life and feeling like everything was heading in the right direction, I would then reach for thoughts that tempered that excitement.
I’d think of all the things that could go wrong or had gone wrong in the past. I focused my attention on people who had failed in doing the things I wanted to do. I found ways to disappoint myself so I could feel that comfortable low-level, misery.
I noticed in my relationship that both of us would get irritable with one another after we spent some especially fun time together. Particularly, when we seemed to be emotionally in-sync. If the relationship felt like it was on cruise control, then one of us would find something to be annoyed about. Sometimes, even if I wasn’t feeling bad, the moodiness of my partner was (with minor prodding) enough to start an argument.
If I’d spent a couple of weeks eating properly, working out regularly and started to see results; then I would go off the rails. I would convince myself that I should be able to eat what I wanted and needed to stop depriving myself.
When I was doing really well at work and exceeding expectations or receiving some type of acknowledgment, the same thing would happen. I would come down with a terrible cold or sickness. This would then lead me to take a day off to nurse myself back to health.
All of the above, are examples of us reaching our Upper-Limit and explain how that limit manifests into unconscious sabotage.
Why do we Upper-Limit?
We each have a level of tolerance for feeling good. When we reach that level, we create thoughts or feelings that make us feel bad. Why? It’s usually because we got a message when we were younger, that we have to dim our light in some way to maintain the love or companionship of others. Or, we may have the belief that life can’t be good for us all the time.
As we gain more success and start to move into a territory we’ve never experienced, such as having more money than any of our friends or family, we can start feeling vulnerable. This is because we have no frame of reference for that new level of success.
Some of us may feel some shame or guilt because our gifts give us something that others around us don’t have, or can’t achieve. We may fear that people will become jealous of us or reject us. We may fear being abandoned or abandoning others. We might worry that no one will sympathize with our challenges or that we’ll lose emotional support.
If you listen to how some people talk about rich, successful people or people who appear to have great relationships, it’s not always kind. There can be judgment present. We may subconsciously try to avoid that type of judgment by putting a cap on our potential.
You and I may never eliminate our Upper-Limit problem.
There may always be that little sick flutter of anxious energy when everything is going well or when we’re about to burst through a glass ceiling into uncharted territory. Greater awareness is what will determine the difference between our moving up to the next level or burning down the entire structure.
Recognizing that our Upper-Limit problem is nothing more than fear, can be enough to take its power away. That, and not automatically doing the thing that leads to destruction, is how you can challenge those Upper-Limit beliefs.
Giving yourself permission to feel vulnerable when things are going well can make all the difference. You may have to turn and say to your partner or yourself: “I’m just feeling anxious because I’ve never been this happy before.”
As for me, I stopped celebrating my weight-loss with ice cream. And when I feel that cold come on, I don’t let it stop my plans for the day. I see it for what it is; proof that I’m succeeding.
—
***
What’s Next? Talk with others. Take action.
We are proud of our SOCIAL INTEREST GROUPS—WEEKLY PHONE CALLS to discuss, gain insights, build communities— and help solve some of the most difficult challenges the world has today. Calls are for Members Only (although you can join the first call for free). Not yet a member of The Good Men Project? Join below!
RSVP for Intersectionality Calls
—
Join the Conscious Intersectionality FACEBOOK GROUP here. Includes our new call series on Human Rights.
Join The Good Men Project Community
All levels get to view The Good Men Project site AD-FREE. The $50 Platinum Level is an ALL-ACCESS PASS—join as many groups and classes as you want for the entire year. The $25 Gold Level gives you access to any ONE Social Interest Group and ONE Class–and other benefits listed below the form. Or…for $12, join as a Bronze Member and support our mission, and have a great ad-free viewing experience.