The definition of independence is freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.
Everyone can have an Independence Day.
In my opinion, it’s the day when you look around and realize the things you are doing day-after-day are not working for you.
Some people may have an awareness that things aren’t working the way they want, but keep plugging away, in the same way, expecting it to eventually get them where they want to be or they re-adjust their expectations to match what they think life is telling them they should want.
But, some of us, realized that we aren’t getting what we need from the model of achieving happiness given to us. And, we decide that maybe we don’t have the right information. Or, maybe, we don’t know ourselves as well as we should. Or, maybe our thinking and decision-making aren’t leading us where we want to be.
The question is the beginning of independence.
Not everyone follows the white rabbit down the rabbit hole.
It is so much more comfortable to believe that if you do x,y and z then you will satisfy all that is expected of you, everyone will love you and your life will work out exactly how you hope. It rarely does. More often, you check all the boxes, look up and wonder where the time went.
Introspection isn’t the focus of our society. Social media is training people to seek outside validation as proof of their worth. How many followers, likes and comments do you get? That’s how much you mean to the world. But, they are hollow and shallow interactions that prove nothing more than your ability to think like the masses. No matter which side you join, it is a collective. It is a tribe and eventually, they will pressure you to conformity.
My Independence Day has been a five-year process. I questioned everything I had accomplished, all my goals and my entire support system after I found myself going through the most difficult time in my life and all the people I laughed and joked with were nowhere. In some ways, I pushed them away, but in many ways, they didn’t fight me on it. I was in the back of everyone’s mind and I felt it.
And, when I ran through everything I was doing, I saw that I was chasing validation. I was a slave to it. And, ironically, I was losing the validation of self. I abandoned myself every time I chased the crowd. I denied my needs. I didn’t trust my intuition when it came to people treating me ways I didn’t deserve. I second-guessed and lied to myself to be able to “fit in” or “stand out”. And, I didn’t feel good, happy or any of the things it was supposed to create.
Then, I started listening to myself. I started exploring and making connections between my choices and my past. I stopped reacting without a pause to decipher my feelings. I started to honor myself. I started to check-in with myself. I stopped doing things just because it would make someone feel better and “like” me. I stopped holding my tongue, but also stopped talking to have something to say. I don’t do things I don’t want to and I don’t feel the need to be around people who don’t have my best interest at heart.
The freedom I experience is not consuming my mind with the thoughts of others. Not their opinions. Not their judgments. Not their control.
I stay where I want to be and leave where I’m not welcome or appreciated. And, I accept my weird. Someone liking me is just a membership to my fan club where I am the President.
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Image courtesy: Jon Tyson, Unsplash
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