I’m Highly Sensitive — But It’s Not What You Think It Is

One reason why I dislike labels is because of a limiting box it puts us in. Once we have a label — we identify with it. We create stories around it and our future self becomes limited depending on the label that we have given ourself.

As a sensitive man, it was a label that I never enjoyed having. In society today, sensitivity is not praised — it is often looked at as a weakness. This causes much of the amazing and gifted highly sensitive humans in the world to shut down, hide, and feel alone.

About 1 in 5 people in the world have the genetic trait that is called sensory processing sensitivity (highly sensitive person). We are a very small minority in the world which can be very difficult at times.

I wanted to clear up the air a bit on what this trait has meant for me and why it isn’t what you think it is.

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I Don’t Cry All The Time

If you do cry all the time — good for you. Seriously, it is completely normal and a healthy process for humans. It is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

But, because I’m highly sensitive, it doesn’t mean that everything makes me cry. This is a common misconception.

I see people with kids or who are around kids that are crying and they will say “he/she is so sensitive.” Please stop with that. Crying has nothing to do with being sensitive. It has everything to do with being a human being.

Since I was a little kid, I can only remember three times that I have cried and I am 30 years old right now. Yes, I have teared up much more than that when I listen to songs that strike a chord in me or when I am feeling joy strongly. But legit crying, only a few times.

The point I am trying to make here is that being highly sensitive doesn’t mean that we just sit around and cry. I know people who are not highly sensitive that cry a lot and highly sensitive people that don’t.

No matter what though, crying is very healthy and normal and is not a sign of weakness or being sensitive.

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I’m Not Different, I’m Just Me

This goes a little bit more into how much I dislike labels. I really wish we would stop labeling everything and just accept the fact that every human being is living a different reality and it’s all NORMAL and PERFECT.

My entire life, I felt like an outcast on the inside. My friends and family would have always thought otherwise because I never expressed it or showed it.

I was really shy in groups and around new people. I was highly insecure and afraid to speak or say anything because I didn’t want to sound stupid. I didn’t want others to judge what I said.

I heard someone say once on Instagram (I can’t remember who), “my daughter is not shy, she is just very thoughtful about when she speaks.”

I loved this because it is true. One quality of being highly sensitive is having a high depth of processing. We process the world around us much deeper than others. One effect of this is thinking and reflecting more before we say anything. Why do we have to label it is as shy?

It is my dream to live in a world where we are all just human beings without labels. So what if I don’t speak up in a group of people — why does it matter?

Why is it that humans feel the need to speak out and point to certain qualities that each of us has? Why can’t we just accept the fact that being human has no manual, no right or wrong, and that we are all living life the best we can.

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HSP’s Notice Everything

This is a tough one to describe in words but I am going to try. As a highly sensitive person, I tend to notice a lot of things in my environment much more than non-HSP’s.

We are more sensitive to subtleties in our environment. I used to think I was really good at this because I was a police officer, but I later learned that it was because of being highly sensitive.

I could drive down the road and notice someone I knew driving on the opposite side of the highway from me. I notice little things that others are doing that would never cross someone else’s mind.

Subtleties are very small details or differences which are not obvious, according to Collins Dictionary.

As I mentioned, it is hard to describe in words. I can look back in my life and I remember all the times saying to my wife or my partners at work, “did you notice “this” or “that?” Most of the times they would always say no.

This is a gift that we have and a very undervalued gift for that matter. I feel that it made me a great police officer, great employee, great leader, great parent, etc.

If you are a leader, business manager, business owner, or in charge of anything, this trait should be brought to life by anyone who is highly sensitive. Noticing small details that are not obvious can be a great asset in any area of business and life.

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We Are Hidden Treasures

I don’t mean this at all in an egotistical way. Highly sensitive people are the future of creating a more kind, just, fair, and compassionate world.

Being highly sensitive is a gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted. This trait can allow people to make deeper connections with others and can play a crucial role in surviving tough situations due to heightened awareness.

— Powerofpositivity.com

I’ll relate this back to my policing career the best that I can. Making deep connections with people was one of my biggest strengths. I could calm a situation quickly, connect to someone who was in their darkest moments, help someone feel seen, heard, and understood, and help comfort someone in stressful times.

I can’t explain how I was a natural at it other than being highly sensitive. It is a gift that we have to be able to feel deeply, be empathetic, more compassionate, and in tune with other peoples emotions.

If I was a leader in a policing agency today, or government agency, or any business for that matter — I would be speaking with everyone of my employees to determine who has this trait.

Make it a priority to listen and to understand them. See them as a gift and a strength to the world. Find ways to grow their strengths and begin utilizing them to their full potential.

Often times, since HSP’s are more introverted, quiet, and we feel different and lonely, we kind of hide and just get our work done to ourselves. We never get the chance to show people what we are capable of and how much of an asset we can be.

When I was a police officer, I was very liked and I got most assignments that I put in for. I became a field training officer with only three years on the job. I got into our street crimes unit after 4 years on the job, and I was an investigator after about 5 1/2 years on the job.

Because of my personality, I go with the flow easily and get a long with everyone which has always helped me. But, I feel if people really understood the depth of what I could sense and feel, I could have been more of an asset to helping change the face of policing and the issues within the department itself.

If you are an HSP, find ways to speak out about it to your employer or boss if you feel strongly that you can be more utilized. It can be difficult if your employer doesn’t understand the trait or if they are the complete opposite.

I always felt that I had knowledge and potential to make changes and help, but I never felt heard because I was “quiet” and people didn’t understand me and the depths of what I knew and felt.

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Conclusion

I love being highly sensitive. It can be a real challenge at times but the depths of what I feel, my compassionate nature, and my ability to connect to others and my environment is something that I would never want to change.

There is so much more to this trait than being emotional and if that is what society continues to see it as, then they are seriously holding back some of the most talented people in the world to make positive change.

It is truly a gift to have this trait and if you have it, I hope you see that too.

You are not alone.

You are understood.

You are a gift to humanity and humanity needs your gift now, more than ever.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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