Why would a man jeopardize a true, rare thing with the woman of his dreams that he’s passionate about for some other woman who’s far less than her?
I’m feeling confused and hurt.
I left the man I love without a single word after I knew he kept me and her hanging in the air. My dignity and self-respect couldn’t afford feeling like an option.
Now I’m left with the nagging question I want to ask him but can’t… So here I am asking you for an answer.. an explanation that makes sense.. That might bring peace to my mind and heart.
Oh, I hear you on this. I am sorry you are hurting and I hope I can help. Obviously, I don’t know your situation and my answer won’t necessarily be universal, but I do think I can shed some light on this.
Your real question here is about commitment.
I know you don’t want a cliché or a platitude and I promise not to give one but let’s stick with your analogy of Ferrari vs. Fiat. It’s a good one.
A Ferrari is an investment. It’s an investment of time, money, and energy. Maintaining a luxury vehicle is a long term commitment. It requires regular maintenance, special gas, and specific tires.
The commitment with a Fiat is different and can be easier for some. It can take regular gas, miss an oil change or two, and run on a spare tire if it needs to. It doesn’t need the same amount of attention. If there’s a ding in the side or the bumper gets roughed up, it’s not a big deal.
Some people aren’t ready for the commitment a Ferrari requires.
Ferraris are nice to look at but most people can’t just buy one the day they decide they want one. They have to save for one.
The same is true for healthy, long term relationships. They require time and experience to get right. It’s rare to hear that first loves become final loves and this is because relationships take practice. We have to have a few to learn what we want, what we need, and what we are capable of offering someone else.
We also really should “try a few” before settling down.
You and this guy may have just been in different places. You may have already gone through a few Fiats enough to know what you wanted and were ready for it. He might not have been.
Where your guy really screwed this up is that he “tried a few” at the same time. That was disrespectful and dishonest. It’s a hurtful reminder that cars and relationships really aren’t the same thing. The analogy can only go so far. We can own more than one car but unless everyone involved is on board and consensual, we can’t have more than one relationship.
Some people don’t want that kind of commitment.
There are a lot of people who love the cool, slick cars and yes, they may even dream of having one someday. However, some people just don’t want that kind of commitment for themselves. As attractive as it may be, it may not be what they want. Sometimes, people aren’t willing to do the work and making the compromises necessary for their dreams to come true.
They just prefer to dream.
They may not want to make that kind of investment and that’s ok but no one buys a Ferrari without making an investment. However, that’s what this guy tried to do and why he failed you. He went for a leasing option and ignored the fine print.
Ferraris aren’t right for everyone.
You might think that anyone who could have a Ferrari would want one and get one.
You were standing right there! Why didn’t he choose you?
Just because he didn’t choose you doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you or that this is about you at all. You’re a Ferrari, after all.
However, we can meet people who are good people, just not good for us.
It’s an important point because I know there are a lot of “Ferraris” out there asking this question.
Ferraris are worth the wait.
You know this. You said it when you told me that you wouldn’t allow yourself to be an option. When you know who you are, what you need, what you deserve, and what you are going to offer someone else, you can afford to wait.
You don’t want the quick, impulsive person to choose you. You want someone who has saved for you, waited for you, gotten themselves ready for you, and are prepared to show up and treat you with the respect you deserve.
You’re worth it.
Want my two cents on your relationship? Get it here.