The Core Issue: Not All Anxiety Is Disordered

Here’s what’s important to understand: not all anxiety is disordered anxiety. When something genuinely difficult happens in your life, experiencing fear, uncertainty, or distress is a normal human response. Your neighbors, friends, and family members who don’t have anxiety disorders would completely understand why you’re feeling big emotions in these situations.

The challenge for those of us who’ve experienced anxiety disorders is that we’ve become sensitized to the state of being anxious itself. Any uncomfortable internal experience can quickly become declared an emergency that demands immediate action or fixing.

The Difference Between Normal and Disordered Anxiety

In an anxiety disorder, the state of being anxious becomes the primary problem. You might recognize this pattern: you’re anxious on Tuesday because you were anxious on Monday and desperately don’t want to repeat that experience. This creates a cycle where any trigger for internal discomfort becomes problematic.

When I was struggling with panic disorder and agoraphobia, I couldn’t handle any big feelings. Anger, disappointment, sadness, even happiness or excitement would instantly morph into a fear response. This is common in our community.

So when life presents real challenges—losing a job, ending a long-term relationship, experiencing a family crisis—you’re confronting actual uncertainty and difficulty. The anxiety you feel is a legitimate response to legitimate circumstances. But if you have an anxiety disorder, you’re likely focusing primarily on the fact that you’re feeling anxious rather than on why you’re feeling that way.

The Trap of Trying to Escape Normal Feelings

This is where it gets confusing. You might find yourself thinking: “I should be able to float and accept through this. Why won’t these feelings go away?” Some people even ask how they’re supposed to use recovery concepts and techniques to somehow escape the real, natural, expected feelings that arise when life throws challenges at them.

The difficult truth is that there aren’t tricks, hacks, or techniques that will make you stop feeling anxious when something that should make you anxious actually makes you anxious. You’re entering the situation already in a sensitized state where being anxious itself has been declared unacceptable.

What This Means for You

If you’re experiencing anxiety triggered by actual life events, here’s what may be helpful to recognize:

You’re having a normal human response. The big emotions you’re feeling are real and attributable to circumstances right in front of you. You’re entitled to these feelings as part of your humanity.

The disorder is in the response to your response. The disordered part isn’t the initial anxiety—it’s making how you feel the central focus rather than why you feel that way. When everyone around you understands why they’re having big emotions about a situation while you’re only concerned that you’re having them, that’s where the disorder shows up.

This is actually an exposure. These challenging life moments, as difficult as they are, provide an opportunity to practice being with uncomfortable internal experiences that you cannot avoid or control away.

Moving Forward Through Difficult Times

When you’re facing real life challenges that trigger anxiety, consider these suggestions that may help you move forward:

Start by recognizing that you’re human. You’ve arrived in a difficult circumstance that all human beings encounter from time to time. Big life events create big reactions. Trying to roboticize yourself so you never feel uncomfortable things isn’t reasonable or kind to yourself.

Notice when you’re making how you feel the most important thing in the room. Then recognize that you’ll need to allow yourself to feel these difficult things—which is a huge ask, and one that’s particularly challenging during a life crisis.

Remember that all experiences are transient. The intensity of what you’re feeling right now will ebb and flow. While the pain from significant life events can last a while, fighting the state itself only adds a problem on top of a problem.

Connect back to your values. In times of crisis, ask yourself what’s actually important here. Is it the pounding in your chest, or is it showing up for what matters to you despite those sensations?

The Bottom Line

You’re allowed to be human. You’re allowed to have big feelings when big things happen. The challenge is catching yourself when you start fighting against your own feelings and correcting course as often as you can, moment by moment. Through this process, you may gain better understanding of what it looks like to truly allow difficult experiences—and perhaps develop some extra compassion for yourself along the way.

Links Of Interest

• My Substack
• Find my “Practical Mindfulness for Anxiety Recovery” Groups
• Low cost anxiety/recovery educational workshops
• My Panic and Agoraphobia Recovery Guidebook
• Follow me on Instagram
• My YouTube Channel
• Disordered – With Josh Fletcher

Disclaimer: The Anxious Truth is not therapy or a replacement for therapy. Listening to The Anxious Truth does not create a therapeutic relationship between you and the host or guests of the podcast. Information here is provided for psychoeducational purposes. As always, when you have questions about your own well-being, please consult your mental health and/or medical care providers. If you are having a mental health crisis, always reach out immediately for in-person help.