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You may have been with your partner since high school or fallen in love on campus. Either way, it’s natural to feel like you want to take the next step when you’re so in love and get married. But marriage is a huge responsibility, one that many young adults don’t fully understand or think through before tying the knot. When you say “I do” you’re making a commitment for life, and it may be a little premature at 18 to 22 to know whether you truly want to be with this person for the rest of your life.
Does this mean all college couples can’t make it? Not at all. Many happily married couples met in college and now have wonderful families. But if you’re on the fence about whether you’re ready to get married in college, this article can help you think about it more seriously.
Not Every Couple Is Ready for Marriage
Age alone isn’t the only factor to consider when getting engaged. You also have to consider you and your partner’s maturity, shared values, and ambitions. Do you both see the same future in five or 10 years? A lot can change between college and even age 25. You may realize that everything you wanted when you were 22 is nothing that you care about when you’re pushing 30. You also have to consider how long you’ve been with your partner. A year or less is not enough time to definitively commit your entire life to someone. It takes four years to get an undergraduate degree. If you’re putting more time toward your education than a relationship, it’s probably not a wise choice to tie the knot just yet.
Married Life Can Cause Mental Health Struggles
Being married is not easy, even for those who love each other deeply. It’s not like dating or even being in a long-term relationship. Marriage is the total unification of your life with another person. There is no break, no time-off, and no way to simply call things off when you no longer feel like you used to. You can read up on the interplay between mental health and higher education in this guide. It addresses the importance of mental health care access among college students, and it may be able to help you identify whether you could benefit from speaking to a licensed therapist or school counselor. If you’re thinking about marriage in college, talking to a couple’s counselor is also a great idea. They can help you both address any concerns and gain a realistic perspective on whether this is the right choice to focus on.
Think About How You’ll Both Change
Someone who is 22 or younger hasn’t had enough life experience to know exactly who they are and what they want out of life. Even if you feel like you’ve known your partner forever, that doesn’t mean you will be the same person they love in a few years. People are supposed to change a lot in their 20s. It’s a healthy, natural part of finding yourself and forming an identity.
Can you accept your partner entirely as they are now without trying to change them? Are you willing to put up with the things you dislike about them forever, or are you secretly hoping there are certain qualities they’ll outgrow or grow to have? Even if you are sure your significant other is the one, don’t feel pressured to go full speed ahead. There’s nothing wrong with wearing a promise ring and being fully committed in college, but it may be better for both of you to take it slow and see how you feel after graduation, work and the real world are thrown into the mix.
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