I got engaged three days before my final semester examinations. I still remember not telling any of the college mates of my situation (other than two close friends) because I felt ashamed to do so. Who gets married at 21? What will people tell? Will they even take my career seriously enough? Or so I thought.
I never had a problem getting married as such, but with the thought of “What would people think of me?”.
And this brought me to my first lesson.
Each person has their own path, which others cannot replicate.
Looking back, getting married is the best decision I have ever taken. If I hadn’t agreed to it then, I wouldn’t have met my husband, who gives me unconditional support in everything I do.
I needed that transition to enter into my next phase of life, into adulthood. And I needed a person to do it with me.
I realized that there was a time and place for anything to happen in everyone’s life, also called fate, and we cannot judge anyone for it.
I struggled with the weight of society’s opinions for a long time and did not enjoy my relationship for months.
Because of the artificial pressure, I had put on myself. I realized then that I could not be another person, and that person cannot be me. Both of us are two separate individuals with our own trajectories of life.
…
I started seeing my parents as a couple, and not only as my parents.
In India, kids are not accustomed to seeing their parents as couples. Because PDA is a huge no-no here, the love between a couple is expected to only exist behind closed walls.
Thus as a kid, I viewed them only as my parents and nothing else; not as individuals, not as a couple, nothing.
After getting engaged, I started having “adult” conversations with my mother, who narrated their “story.” It suddenly felt like knowing a new side of them, which I had not imagined before. I also started noticing their rituals as a couple, how they treated each other and supported each other, no matter what.
These observations made me appreciate them so much more.
My marriage has also improved my relationship with my parents since we have started to have mature conversations about relationships, finance, etc. They are more comfortable sharing certain aspects of their lives now, which they never did before since they always saw me as their child before marriage.
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I entered my “adulting phase” and became responsible.
Until their wedding, girls and boys in India usually stay with their parents, unless they travel to other places for work. Also, I work (and stay) in the Silicon Valley of India, Bangalore, so there was little to no possibility of working anywhere outside my hometown.
So, I had gotten used to not taking responsibility and getting pampered by my parents. I had no worry about bills or getting groceries or budgeting, or even saving up for the “future.”
After marriage, everything changed. All of a sudden, I had to “grow up.” I had also started working by then. So, the newfound freedom of “I can spend anything without asking anyone for permission” bit me in the ass for some months. I had tons of junk food, went to parties, and invited friends home in the first six months of marriage.
But then I slowly got out of that phase and grew up after multiple realizations. I started handling bills, savings, groceries, etc., with more consciousness than ever before. If I had not gone through that excessive spending, I don’t think the realization of adulthood would have hit me like a freaking train. Looking at your empty bank account does affect you a lot.
This cycle would not have happened if I had not got married.
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I traveled a lot!
My family has never been travel-oriented. My vacations consisted of trips to my grandparent’s and relatives’ places, where we would stay for some time and get back home.
After marriage, I started allocating funds for our travel. I have always been passionate about traveling and wanted to leave no stone unturned for an opportunity to travel.
One more advantage of getting married is that you always have a partner to travel with you. I am all for solo travels and traveling with friends, and there might also be cases where the spouse does not like to travel as much as the other half. But in my case, I am thankful that everything worked out well.
In our first year, we took four vacations inside India and went on numerous weekend trips.
These trips have made me more mature, responsible and improved the relationship between my husband and me.
We got to know each other so much better because of these trips, for which I would forever be grateful.
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You get to know how to give and take
I had always seen marriage as a responsibility before. But after Jan 27, 2019, I slowly started to see it as a companionship. There was give and take in terms of support, love, division of responsibilities, everything.
There was a friendship and set of expectations. There was understanding of each other and our families. And we were tackling our problems together instead of having issues against each other.
Until you enter into a relationship, you would have experienced unconditional love from your parents, but seldom would you have the chance to give it to someone. For me, marriage showed me the beauty of giving too.
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We grew together
It’s only been two and half years since our marriage, but I can see the stark difference between our previous selves and now.
Since both of us were young (we still are) when we got married, my husband was 24, and I was 21, we had just started to set up our careers (we still are). We were going out into the “real” world and still “figuring things out.” We were battling with emotional ups and downs and deciding our career goals.
Through all this, we had each other share our experiences with and learned from them. We were there to tackle any problems we had together, discussed our issues, set our life and career goals together.
I’m not saying that these things don’t happen between couples who get married late, but the learning curve is much steeper in younger couples.
Now, when our friends are thinking about finances, saving up, and marriage, we have already crossed that stage, mentally and in reality. We are enjoying our lives so much more.
…
Getting married younger isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I get that. I’m not even forcing anyone to get married younger.
All I’m saying is to not wholly diss of the idea of getting married young because of some preconceived notions about the institution.
If you’re postponing your marriage only to get “settled down,” it’s never going to happen; because the bar for settling down keeps going up like our goals. I’m not talking about people who never want to get married here; that’s another ball game altogether.
But for ones, who do want to and have postponed it because of some random reason, I would encourage you to go with it. Your only criteria should be to find the right person and nothing else. Because if you have the right better half, they will make your journey towards success even more enjoyable and less lonely.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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