David Davis watches his daughter grow up and leave the house for college, just like his son a decade ago.
On a warm day in May nine years ago, we were preparing a party for my son’s graduation from high school—a custom in this part of the country unknown to me in the place and time I grew up. I was doing the usual dad things like mowing, trimming, setting up tables and chairs. As I was finishing my chores in mid-afternoon, my son and I chanced upon a moment alone.
I told him I was proud of him. I told him we would miss him as he went off to college, but that I was excited for him to begin a new phase of life. I also envied him—starting down an untrod path to a world full of young adulthood and possibilities, all of which I viewed with optimism. He smiled and seemed to understand.
In a few months time, we will begin preparing a party for my daughter’s graduation from high school. My outlook has changed dramatically. I am dismayed at the thought of my daughter leaving my house to go out on her own. I cannot think of my life without her in it each day. Gone is the optimism and envy with which I viewed my son’s departure, replaced by a sense of impending loss—of a road not beginning, but ending.
I will let her go, of course. I must. She will head off to college just as her brother did a decade ago. And, no doubt, she will be fine, but this does not ease my furrowed brow.
For my son, I was excited. For my daughter, I am terrified. For my son, I was confident that he could take care of himself. For my daughter, I cannot shake the conviction that caretaking is my job—regardless of how old she is.
For some, perhaps, this arcane attitude makes me a chauvinist. I prefer to believe that it makes me a father.
— Photo thisgeekredes/Flickr
Chauvanist? Why? These are simply two different emotional reactions, each being as valid as the next. We, as parents, experience each of our children differently. It is as simple as that. There is a myth out there that parents “love their children equally.” That sentiment, taken at face value, is simply false. We try to raise them equally, giving them equal attention and opportunities, encourage their individual growth as evenly as possible, but we love them in different ways because they are different people with different personalities. And as they grow, they settle into our hearts in different ways. Your… Read more »