—
My son Trey was officially diagnosed with Autism at seven years old. My wife Tracy-Ann, his mom, suspected something was wrong long before that. He was hitting all milestones as an infant: he walked after twelve months, he was babbling. However, after two years he went silent. We did not know or understand what happened.
A big challenge during that time was getting past the stage of denial that something was wrong with our child. My wife, a social worker who works with developmentally delayed and medically fragile children, knew what to look for and saw the signs. I was a quiet child, so I believed the same of our son that placing him around other children in a school setting would make him communicate. When he isolated himself from his classmates and showed the symptoms of Autistic behavior I was devastated. Learning about Autism and all that it entails while raising my son was an arduous experience. It was difficult to focus on his talent while trying to get him the services he needed to thrive, but we eventually realized part of his success was being able to partake in an activity he loved.
Here are some tips on how to realize the gift your Autistic child has.
1. Pay Attention to Heightened Senses – while it should not need to be said that you should keep an eye on your child, it is vital that one with special needs is watched closely. For one, if he/she has difficulty communicating verbally, the other senses are automatically heightened and will be utilized to convey messages about his/her emotional state that are directly connected to the environment. Be engaged with your child. See what pictures, activities or sounds make him/her smile, laugh, or get excited. Verbalize to your child that you see how they are feeling and continue the dialogue.
2. Be Aware of Signs – Every child is different. Some may like to draw or dance. It may be a favorite subject, look for what they are interested in and expand on it. There were two instances that made me aware that Trey was musically inclined: his fixation, at the age of four, on a man playing the piano at his elementary school – movements he would later mimic on our ironing board, and his constant tapping on any surface. We got him a small toy drum set for Christmas when he was two, and we were shocked when he was able to play in rhythm to a Christmas song that was on the radio.
3. Keep An Open Mind – Don’t look at what your child is doing as an annoyance or hindrance. Show love and support for any evidence of a special talent. Even after the revelation, we had at Christmas, it took my wife and I multiple parent-teacher meetings at Trey’s school, during which the teachers told us that his banging on the desk was a distraction before we decided to put him in a music school.
4. Cultivate the Gift – We realized that Trey was hearing music. Once we began to foster his love of music, we saw him improve even more. He joined the school’s Rock Band where he sang lead and played the keyboard. We got him a set of drums to play at home and he was like a kid in a candy store. He currently takes music classes online and plays the piano, violin, and guitar. To see Trey be able to play songs on the piano by ear and still be able to learn the technical aspects of reading music is inspiring. His ability to participate and complete an entire piece of music is a triumph for us. I never thought he would thrive like this. Trey was able to participate in a recital in front of an audience, which was amazing to watch.
Trey wants to go to Frank Sinatra, a musical high school in New York. I’m nervous because he has never dealt with mainstream schooling since his experience in kindergarten. My wife and I wonder if he is socially ready to adapt to kids who are not on the spectrum who may look at him and treat him differently? Will he be able to interact with other kids in an appropriate way? All the tools for him to be successful as a musician are there, but socially will he regress? I am willing to allow him to audition, however, I am not at the point where I will let him go to the school. At times I look at myself and ask, ‘Am I the problem?’ As parents of a special needs child, we must address our own feelings and really examine ourselves to ensure we are not impeding the child’s ability to succeed because of our own fears.
As Trey’s parent, I am still his first teacher. This period of transition is critical. Not only is he changing physically, going through puberty, he will have to face new challenges and responsibilities that come with getting older. Our goal is to make sure we are doing enough for him to make sure he succeeds, such as looking at sites that offer job placement for kids on the spectrum, preparing him to take the regents exam so he can work towards a high school diploma, even drafting a will to make sure we sustain him if something happens to us. I really value this time I have with Trey due to the pandemic. I have learned his strengths, his weaknesses, and it allowed me to work on what he needs to thrive.
—
