Yesterday, my man beat me…Again. In Scrabble.
The final portion of creating a successful relationship is the ability to learn from each other daily.
Many couples meet and silently agree that neither will change no matter the amount of time spent together or the circumstances that would invite and encourage change.
If you want the relationship to breathe and have life then it is imperative that you each learn and teach one another daily.
The lessons needn’t be huge, life changing or mind boggling. Small bits of learning can have the same effect over long periods of time as gigantic paradigm shifting insights.
Whenever there is a showdown in my house via the Scrabble board, I learn a better more strategic way of playing and at least two new words.
Many times I have had conversations with friends that resulted in learning something about myself and also gave me a fresh perspective on how I think.
This comes in handy when taken back to the primary love relationship and utilized as a means to bring a richer more insightful you into the fold.
Being mentally and intellectually challenged is a great aphrodisiac and often leads to greater intimacy both sexually and otherwise.
When the brain is stimulated because it is taking in new information and processing it, the body generally follows.
When I incorporate something new, I often get an electric spine-tingling surge of energy.
When I am presented with something new, I often get a psychological gut punch which lets me know something new is happening.
As a young queer, I often longed for the teaching of an older, wiser paramour.
In my 40’s, I often stated : no man has anything to teach me; older doesn’t mean wiser and I hope when I’m in my 40’s and beyond that I have utilized my mind and years well and have something to share.
While arrogance and pure idiocy kept me alive, it didn’t do much for my learning curve (books and great films took care of that).
Part of the arrogance was based in the reality that I didn’t know to look for this attribute in men and didn’t know how to make it a part of my “must have” list.
At 31, a surge leading to a case of happy pants was enough to get the party started.
At 40, it came to me: you love conversation and learning. Find someone who is a sparkling conversationalist and brilliant.
Not a buffoon full of hot air who likes to hear himself speak.
I used this self knowledge to seek an individual interested in both an exchange of ideas and what someone else’s viewpoint might entail.
How do you find this very elusive and tantalizing attribute?
Look for a man who is committed to growth.
If you have the same conversation more than once does he provide a slightly evolved point of view?
Is he willing to try something that may or may not work?
Does he welcome ideas and innovative ideas that are not his?
Does he invite you to disagree?
This article originally appeared on Anthony Carter’s Blog
Photo credit: Getty Images