Seeing someone we care about battling with an illness is never pleasant. Knowing that they don’t feel well and are in pain can feel almost physically painful to ourselves. But seeing that they are contributing to their own illness really twinges the heart.
Watching them make poor health choices that will contribute to their continued discomfort or worse borders on the maddening. It also has the added benefit of making you question how much they love you if they aren’t willing to change their habits and be with you longer. But we don’t have control over the decisions they make. More importantly it doesn’t mean they don’t care about us.
Yelling at them or trying to shame them into changing their behaviors- no matter how self destructive they are—will never achieve actual results. In fact it will probably make things worse and cause strain in your relationship. It’s not easy but resist the urge.
Always go with love. Gentle reminders over concern for their habits are fine. Approach it in a way that you are sharing your feelings. “I’m worried…” or “I’m afraid…” often work. Remind them that you love them and believe they can change.
Or do nothing. Not usually the favorite option. But it may be beneficial in the long run to remember that you don’t have any power or control over their actions. As long as they aren’t actively harming themselves then let them be. Encourage better habits when you can. Love them while you can.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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