These are comments by John, Hank Vandenburgh, and Garrett A. Brown on the post “Men and Pornography: 10/20“.
John says:
“If a guy prefer porn to real interaction on relationship, than the problem is not the porn itself, the problem is in the relationship. I mean what kind of guy doesn’t want cuddling kissing, hugging, to make a women laugh, to give women pleasure, and prefer to masturbate to porn? I said that’s the kind of guy who have SUCKS relationship. The problem is on the guy (and their women), not the porn itself.
“The more I watch porn, the more I crave sex with real women. Why? Because of course we can’t have intimacy and passion, giving and receiving pleasures and emotions while watching porn. We have to consider the fact than men needs emotional aspects in sex too, not just physical. That’s why its hard for me to understand stories from women who complain their husband prefer porn than real sex. Maybe it’s not they prefer porn, but they cant get their emotional aspects of sex (like affection, feels desired, feels you doing for pleasures not chore) from real sex, so they rather doing it alone than to have bad sex with their women. That’s why communication is important. Men are emotional creatures too.”
Hank Vandenburgh said:
“This probably won’t make me look good. I have a decided tendency to cheat in relationships. But, in my current relationship, I’m monogamous. One way I compensate is by the occasional use of porn. It does seem to preclude the need to get out there, if my partner isn’t into anything more unorthodox. Porn is mostly silly, but there are some films … that aren’t. My own fantasies are pretty good, but they usually involve someone real, and in the past actually have preceeded an involvement with that person. With porn, there’s not that possibility. So I disagree with the MacKinnon-Dworkin position that porn is the imaginative rehearsal for actual sex. It isn’t in my case. I’m aware of the addictive potential of porn, BTW. Also, at my age, porn can actually help performance– but not during the act, of course.”
Garrett A. Brown added:
“There its a healthy place for non human sexual interaction. Masturbation, which is usually a pat off porn usage, can serve many great functions. I want to push back to you James, flesh to flesh can be denigrated in the same ways porn can. With human interaction though someone else is there and can be very hurt by the experience. I believe what is most important is the person using the porn and the motivation behind it.porn is safe when it isn’t hidden and kept in the secret, especially when there OS a relationship involved.i give porn two thumbs up.”
Do you have something to say about porn and how it affects you as a man? Submit your story.
Photo credit: Flickr / potzuyoko
What I fear is a decline in the power of individual imagination, which I’m afraid the wide availability of porn will aggravate further. I think there is a general trend of people today, especially young people, being unable to function in life without a screen in front of them. People find it more and more difficult to entertain themselves without some sort of screen. I’m convinced that children today just don’t daydream or fantasize as much as they did when I was a child. They cannot work through boredom without some sort of interactive video experience, which then becomes a… Read more »
Loved what you had to say here WellokayThen. Except I do think porn is a giant one-eyed moster devouring men. 🙂
I also think it’s catching up with women a bit too and it’s starting to work on them as well.
Great comment. I agree.
Technology has been great for our society. However, I do see how it has caused this de-socialization. The greatest casualty has been the lost art of conversation. People prefer to text, email, chat……We just do not talk as we once did.
And that to me is really sad.
Well, porn doesn’t really tell you on how to deal with relationships. All porn just show the same thing a horny man and a horny woman come together for sex. Then a cum shot marks the end of the video. It would appear that sex is all you need for a great relationship and that sex is easy to come by from your partner, but that is not true. Still, such portrayal effects our perceptions, behaviors, beliefs, etc. Men aren’t able to make their relationships work. It turns out that sex with their partners or wives is not that easy… Read more »
I agree with you Alternate. I think many men are having more sexual problems today because of porn. So they need more and more sexual material to get the same high that a pair of saggy breasts in Nat Geo use to achieve. This isn’t sex positive or sex foward. I think we’ve taken steps back every since pornography has become available online. Not to mention that there are two elements to porn. How people interact with it and the actual content of porn and the messages it sells about sexuality and men and women. That’s why I was never… Read more »
@Alternate… I guess it begs the question: Why do so many men turn to porn to start with? Perhaps they have been unable to get sex? Perhaps they are sexually frustrated? Perhaps they know of no other way to get sexual gratification…? I know most men in America are not getting adequate sex on a regular basis. If they were, I do not believe you would be seeing the enormous growth in porn and the sex trade (i.e., sex workers). Once men get heavily into it, it becomes a vice like other vices. They start preferring it over a real… Read more »
Jules, I certainly think the reasons you suggested are absoluetely reasons men turn to porn. I also think men turn to porn because their partners don’t look like pornstars, their partners aren’t as young anymore, they don’t have perfect breasts, or tummies, or butts, their partners don’t do things pornstars do, want variety and are tired of their own partners sometimes….I think we need to acknowledge all the reasons men could be turning to porn. Not just the ones that paint men as frustrated men where women aren’t meeting their needs.
@Erin..
Yes, I would agree with you. Many men are using for the purposes you stated. I think it is shameful. But, to each his or her own. I am sure many of these guys no longer have the abs, shoulders,…..either.
Why do so many men turn to porn to start with? It has a simple but devious answer: watching porn is arousing, exciting, feels good, etc. It’s the same with all temptations. Just think. Why do obese people keep eating? They are not getting enough food? Why are alcoholics keep drinking excessively? They don’t get enough alcohol? How about gambling? They don’t have enough How about porn and lack of sex? Do they really not getting enough sex? I know this is false. I had known a man, a womanizer, who gets sex left and right. He indulge in it.… Read more »
it makes me crave sex with woman i love. The reason behind it its because i crave the emotional aspects of sex, which i cannot get from watching porn. Actually i dont care if the woman is pretty or not, got big boobs or not, if she is the one i love, she is the woman i crave to have sex with. Yes guys are emotional creature too, guess what, EGO are not the only thing we care.
I would agree that porn is a very poor substitute for just about anything. (Then again, a few hours watching porn can’t be much worse than watching a few hours of mindless network TV.) But, who says it’s being used as a substitute? Some comments seem to assume that each man has a full and equal choice between a rich, emotionally fulfilling relationship with an in-person sex partner OR using porn. I’m sure there are men whose porn viewing has taken the place of a pre-existing relationship, and those men are essentially choosing porn over their partners, but is this… Read more »
“That’s why its hard for me to understand stories from women who complain their husband prefer porn than real sex. ” That’s because he has gotten turned off to her (for whatever reason). Just as women get turn off to their partners, many men feel the same. It is just hard for women to understand this because we men are always suppose to be ready for sex…. While I am not a porn user, I can understand how a man can prefer it to a woman that maybe he detests. If he does not like her anymore or desire her,… Read more »
As long as you let your wife/girlfriend take the edge off in her own way. Many women get off on feeling desired, sexual attention, and feeling beautiful. Let her feel like a porn star sometimes. Let her flirt, go to amateur night at a strip club, send pictures of her boobs to a guy who’ll call them sexy. It’s not asking too much. Watch porn, but let her be a porn star too.
@Aya..
“Let her flirt, go to amateur night at a strip club, send pictures of her boobs to a guy who’ll call them sexy.”
Why would I want my wife/girlfriend to flirt with other men and send them pics of her boobs? I guess next you will suggest cuckolding!
HELL NO!!!
Cuckolding? Sex isn’t just about reproduction anymore. Even if a woman were to have a full blown affair (which is not what I’m suggesting), chances are she’d use birth control, condoms, morning after pill, abortion, etc. I was just saying that a lot of women can’t get off as well just by watching porn. They need to feel desired. Seeing a bunch of naked women and giant cocks isn’t that arousing for them.
It’s a bit hypocritcal isn’t it Aya? Many men are happy to see other women’s breasts. But they would flip out if their woman was showing other women her breasts. However, I just don’t see the problem if you are a man that enjoys seeing other breasts. If a man isn’t doing anything wrong by looking at other breasts, then how in the world could his partner be doing anything wrong by showing her breasts and letting other men look at them? She couldn’t possibly be doing anything wrong unless the man was being hypocritical about it. Sometimes women just… Read more »
ii have fit body from sports and working out, and guess what? My girlfriend told me she hates when other girls “swooning” over my body ( thats what she said, i dont really pay attention to other girls to be honest ) when we were on the beach. Sometimes its flattering too when guys feel attention from other women, and its not because we want to have sex with them ( FYI, we dont want to have sex with all women ). And my girlfriend reaction? Its a bit hypocritcal to you? I dont think so.
I don’t need porn and never have. I have been married now for 23 years and couldn’t be happier. My wife is beautiful and very sexy, our sex life has always been fulfilling so porn would actually be less than I already have. A real live woman who craves my touch as much as I crave hers leaves me with no real desire for anyone else especially the nasty porn girls who are faking it anyway. I don’t understand men who watch porn, sex with a real live woman gives you more than just an orgasm, it is a mind/body… Read more »